Unseen, Unacknowledged Pervasion

I cannot believe my eyes. I cannot believe my ears. What is happening? Is this a joke? Presumably so, for I hear the two of them laughing....however, the other is stifled with tears. Why then, do her friends continue to laugh? It makes no sense to me. Can it really be that their behavior is more puzzling to me than the Cell Biology material I have been reading? No. It should not be! But what is worse is their total lack of acknowledgment, their complete denial of blame or at the very least, shame. I am speechless, baffled, heartbroken. She does not deserve this. They should not have taken her there. They should not simply reply, “She makes her own decisions.” That is just plain and pure ignorance. It is dangerous to place a small child into an environment of wild wolves. And idiotic to be shocked by harm done to the innocent one. Taking responsibility is a concept FOREIGN to this establishment, this apartment of five. I have remained relatively silent on the issue. Until now. There is a certain amount of iniquity I can stand that is directed at me. I know that to be a follower of Him, my life will endure unimaginable pain, suffering, injustice, and the like. I've grown to accept this fate and presently wrestle with the unfairness against me around every corner. However, this has become a non-issue in comparison to what I repeatedly see, and yet goes unseen in my very own dwelling. Misguided priorities and invisible resentment permeate to the point of utter envelopment. I no longer belong. I am an outsider in my own home. I now know the beautiful truth in Jesus' statement, “The foxes have holes and the birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head.” (Matthew 8:20) I feel that way right now. Estranged and shunned by those who I thought were closest to me, who I thought cared for me. Isolated, alone, wronged. Before meeting Christ, this would have fostered nothing but dark, self-destructing embitterment. I know better now. I know to forgive and lay long-standing grudges at the feet of Jesus. For that is where they belong, not trapped inside the heart. However, I cannot continue to look the other way as I see those I love get hurt by others who claim to love them as well. I do not [and will not] condone it, and if that labels me a “cold and heartless bitch” then so be it. I grasp what it means to choose between Right and Wrong. Morality is not in the eye of the beholder. This is NOT a subjective matter A moral code is given to us to obey, and you know what? We are expected to obey it. It is not a pick-and-choose kind of decision. It is not a “I don't feel like it right now” option. I continually see my friends adopt this view and viciously justify and defend this dangerous mentality. And up until now, I have admittedly remained quiet. I bite my tongue and convince myself it is better to keep the peace. But when I see a very dear friend and roommate stumble into the doorway drunk, my entire being is enraged. God does not look the other way, and neither do I. I have no doubts whatsoever that I just witnessed great Evil enter the room. The entire exchange among the three of them, but particularly the words uttered by the one lying on the carpeted floor, attested to my profound state of alarm and outrage. Again, I ask: HOW could the two of them stand there, fighting off their embarrassingly inappropriate chuckles???? Do they not HEAR what she is saying??? More appallingly, do they not CARE???? “......I hate all of you......” “.....go upstairs and tell God you love Him......” “......leave me alone, I hate you all.......” This is NOT how you treat a friend, am I wrong??!! You do not take her to a party (a pleasure party of all things!), allow her to get drunk to the point of complete agony, and watch as she weeps upon the ground. It is NOT right!! To them, she just had too much to drink......that it hit her all at once.....that it is in ABSOLUTELY NO WAY their fault for her present condition. They do not recognize the psychological turmoil she is experiencing even though she repeatedly cries out to God and expresses unsettling regret and dissatisfaction with everyone. They do not perceive her subconscious indignation seeping out of her lips. I sarcastically remark, “Good Job, T—, I hope you are happy” and clap my hands. Immediately, defensive response and denial of any wrongdoing. I am bewildered by her total absence of moral fiber even as she assures the sick one that she is Christian and that they will go “confess their love for God” at church the next morning. Is that what it means to be Christian??!! I adamantly refuse to accept that definition on any terms. Ever. I cannot help but question how long I can remain here. Just how long will I be able to reside here? I pray, Jesus, please give me the direction and the strength that I know only You can provide. Lord, you are my ultimate Refuge and my sole Savior. I seek to serve and follow you better, God, and fail tremendously. I cower and revert back to sin. I am amazed by your incalculable Love, Grace, and Forgiveness. Please reveal yourself to those who are hurting, for You are their great Healer and Comforter. Lord, fill up this place with your Presence, your Holy Spirit, I beg you. I am frightened and alone. But I trust in You at all times Jesus. You light my darkened path and walk beside me. Thank you for your enduring faithfulness and compassion. Amen.