The amount of your faith is irrelevant. It is the location of your faith that matters. It is not the quality (or quantity) of your faith that saves you, it is the object of your faith. A little bit of shaky faith in Jesus can save you.

There is what you think you believe, what you say you believe, and then what you actually believe. Real faith is not invisible; it can be seen. Real faith is tied to what we do and how we act. We live out what we believe.

"When we sin it's not just breaking God's law, it's breaking God's heart."

Our sin doesn't just break rules, it breaks the heart of God. Wow, that's heavy. I don't think I really look at it that way most of the time. I needed the reminder that He is in fact deeply personal. After all, He is our heavenly Father.

I also liked Driscoll's point about the Christian faith not being an "easy" one because it requires humility. I am still reading a book with that title, and it has been very revealing about the utmost importance of humility in the life of a believer. It has also exposed my own failure and inadequacy in this department. I long to have this quality that most characterized the life and ministry of Jesus. I know it will take much time, prayer, confession and honesty with myself and God to grow in this virtue. I also know it will continue to be painful and hard. But that is how you know it is worth it, and that your faith is becoming more and more authentic. Like the worship song goes... more of You and less of me....

The Farting Doughnuts

Birthday fun in Tallahassee. One of many "album cover" photos taken during the trip :)

Dang, Cuz

This middle schooler is SERIOUS. No really, watch her face. LOL. She be making judges cry and everything. LOVE it.

This video reminds me of the children's book I recently read, Bridge to Terebithia, and also the one called Where the Wild Things Are. There's something unique and amazing about these kinds of stories. I miss them.

Oh, to be free and to let our imaginations run wild like children through the woods...

Reconciliation

I'm still amazed at how my sister and I reconciled last Friday. I was ready to just give up trying and accept another failed attempt at resolving conflict. Especially since our sit-down with Carina earlier last week ended miserably. I was mostly shocked that it was my sister who initiated the apology and reconciliation this time. I felt like there was no hope for that. And I struggle to be alright with a person when they do not admit guilt or fault at all. It's something I need to grow more in and be humbled by. I thank God because I know it is He who has initiated this again with us, this time through her, and I pray that I am able to let Jesus destroy more of my pride so that his seed of humility can be planted much deeper into my heart.

Minus the dramatic elements of this video, I like it. It makes me smile to see someone with legitimate talent give it a shot. He may be there for the money and the fame more than anything else, but an element of truth and beauty in the human spirit and experience can be subtly seen, too. I like that about talent shows, and in particular, the X-Factor.

The Resurrection Body

1. New Body
2. New Creation
3. Responsibility

So will it be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable; it is sown in dishonor, it is raised in glory; it is sown in weakness, it is raised in power; it is sown a natural body, it is raised a spiritual body.

The perishable and corruptible will be raised imperishable and incorruptible. We cannot bring our sin with us into God's kingdom. Not our shame, our addictions, our selfishness, our sickness, our pride, our depression, our unforgiveness, our lust, our quick-temper, our anything. It's sad that we primarily think of ourselves in terms of our sin. We let those things define who we are. For instance, I would say that I am a cynical, sarcastic and sometimes rather aloof person. I have a pride problem and suffer from depressing thoughts. I get emotionally detached and often lack genuine love for others, especially if we are in conflict. None of these parts of me will last. Whatever is not of God is perishable and will be destroyed. We live in a fallen world and have been corrupted by it. But there is another reality that is possible. There has been a seed of resurrection planted in each of us. We can either surrender ourselves - our broken parts and our best attempts - to Jesus, or we can silently submit to our great enemy, Death. As much as Satan would like us to believe that all that comprises us is a myriad of sins, fortunately this is not the case.

And just as we have borne the image of the earthly man, so shall we bear the image of the heavenly man.

There are parts of us, little in comparison to our sin most likely, that will remain and live on into eternity. A meek and humble spirit, Jesus tells us, will inherit the earth and receive the kingdom. It is who we are when we are most surrendered to Jesus that has a chance to enter the kingdom. Where have we been compassionate and generous? When have we repented and given God his glory? There is incentive to invest our hearts and live for Jesus now: more of ourselves will remain in eternity. We can begin building integrity and conforming our character to the likeness of Jesus now. Today even. Lord, help us to relinquish more and more control over to you.

“Where, O death, is your victory?

Where, O death, is your sting?”

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

We have been freed by Christ from the power of sin and death. We no longer have to fear! We are now clothed in immortality, and we will be raised in glory on the day of resurrection. But now we are responsible for sharing that truth with those who do not yet know the hope of Jesus. The world cannot answer the question that death poses. We ignore it as it creeps up and takes one life at a time, as if it were some natural and benign process. As if "they will live on in our memories and hearts" makes any sense at all. We rebuke this mindset because we know it to be a lie. And a very dangerous one because it masks the reality of the eternal suffering to come for all those who do not choose Jesus in this life. If he is not their hope, if he is not their Sovereign Lord and God, then they have chosen sin and the death that is its crowning achievement. This sobering truth should then compel us to:

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

God created the world. We corrupted it, and have in turn been corrupted by it. Our sin has led to disorder, chaos, evil, pain and death. This spiritual concept has had very real and very negative physical consequences in our lives. But the resurrection of Jesus invaded this world of entropy and began the work of new creation. It is going on right now in us, in other people and all over the earth. His kingdom has broken into the mess we have made, and he is redeeming it and reconciling it to the Father. There is beauty being restored. Can you see it? Have you experienced it? Jesus is here and his battle against the evils of sin and death is being fought. The work of the Lord is advancing, and his kingdom is being established more and more. Let us join in this labor of fighting injustice and darkness, first in ourselves and then in others, all the while knowing that this battle is not in vain. God has given us victory through our Lord Jesus Christ, and His Kingdom will last forever and ever! Amen.

Creativity At Work

Man, I don't know that I can be this creative at my boring job. This is great.

It's not a soup line, it's a restaurant. That's why they call it Trinity Cafe.

This can happen to anyone. Homelessness has no special color. It happens to all of us.

Understand the human family. Their faces look an awful lot like me.

mi uva regresa

y yo soy feliz :)

i should've went to Colombia with him this time rather than in May, but i'm sure we'll have plenty more opportunities in the future. and i can't wait :-D

Friday's Fight & Today's Sermon

Why do I give in to the flesh and snap back? I need the patience of God. I'm lacking in His humility and love, even as I'm reading a book on humility. Sigh... Lord, please give me your grace to change and to follow you better... to hold my tongue and to heed the Spirit's voice. Jesus, help me to trust you more. Forgive me of my sin and teach me to live a life marked by repentance. I want my heart to be prepared for you. Lord, help me to let go of my pride and submit to your Way.

The Gift of Community

Even though mi uva is in Colombia, I am surprisingly content. It's true that I miss him a lot, but not as much as I thought I would. The first couple days were a bit lonely, but quickly it changed as I began to hang out with other friends. It's times like these when I am so thankful to God for the gift of community. And for the laughter and fun and joy that comes with being with those you love. Whether it's a text message from Lizzybear, a phone call from Moose Nugget or an evening of randomness with Caracol, Magdalon, Meow and Life Stories, God's design for human relationships is truly amazing. He doesn't want us to be loners, he doesn't even want us to be mere couples. He wants us all to be strangely and beautifully connected to a network and community of so many others. It's genius, really.

The Dreaded GRE

So after a good month of inconsistent yet fervent studying, the beast is finally over. I just hope these scores will be sufficient. I have a feeling they will be, though, since I'm pretty sure Jesus hacked into the computer I was on and, just before I chose not to cancel my scores, gave me decent ones instead. Honestly, the whole time I was taking the test I was acutely aware of my complete incompetence (like not finishing a single section w/o guessing the last 5 questions... or getting retard verbal section two...lol), and no amount of preparedness could change that. It was all Him :)

Women Speak... in Church?!

It's about time Underground. And no, just having Stacy chime in once or twice a year doesn't cut it :-p

Well, here is an answered prayer. Thank you Jesus, for including women in the participation of your mission AND the preaching of your message. What an encouragement and joy to see.

Words and Journeys

Kris Lackey thought he had hurricane-proofed his manuscripts. An English professor at the University of New Orleans, he had saved his fiction and papers—including the novel he had half-finished—via hard drive, flash drive, diskette, and hard copy. But as the murky waters continued to rise and he was forced to evacuate his home, he left his papers and computer equipment behind. Even so, he left them in high places—tables and bookshelves well out of harm’s way. He was, by no means, expecting the 11 feet of water that completely besieged his house. Returning more than a month later, Lackey found pages floating in mud, completely indecipherable, as well as what was left of his flash and hard drives. Nothing was retrievable. Nothing.

The frustration of lost words is a silence palpable to many. When long emails go missing or documents are destroyed in a crash of technology, the task of reconstruction is deeply aggravating at best—at times, it is painful. Sadly, Mr. Lackey's loss of story and word in New Orleans is not the only report like it. Poems, novels, and memoirs were lost in the same wind and water, all devastating their authors. To lose a book, to lose an entire lifetime of words, is a sting I shudder to imagine.
Yet, in a very real sense, any story lost is a loss of our own. The sting of loss reaches far beyond the author. Losing words is painful because our words are not haphazard. Losing books is devastating because books play an irreplaceable role in the life of the reader. The stories that reach us are so much more than words on a page. John Milton writes of the wounds at stake in the death of a story:

"For books are not absolutely dead things...[but] do preserve as in a vial the purest efficacy and extraction of that living intellect that bred them.... As good almost kill a man as kill a good book: who kills a man kills a reasonable creature, God’s image; but he who destroys a good book kills reason itself, kills the image of God, as it were, in the eye."

In the words of this author we cherish, the loss of a good book, the loss of language, is a loss of life. "There is a reason," I heard someone say recently, "that books have been smuggled over borders for centuries." The wealth of life and knowledge in the words and characters that speak to us is well worth the risk.

I was in the fourth grade when I first experienced this kind of hold of a story on my soul. I was reading Katherine Paterson's Bridge to Terebithia, which both carefully and abruptly introduced me to my own mortality. I was a year younger than the characters that came bounding out of those pages and into my world. But the thought of death as an unyielding part of life—one that would reach even me—was a thought that had not yet entered my mind. With Jess, I insisted there was some mistake: "Leslie could not die anymore than he himself could die." His subsequent wrestling with death was an initiation of sorts into the realization of my own.

Through others we have learned similarly. The shock of recognition in a character that speaks what we feel—what we feel but do not know—initiates and wakes us to life and story around us. "God made man," said Elie Wiesel "because He loves stories." And so my skewed perspective of God as Father was in part rewritten by his use of my own imagination. I learned to love God through the golden mane of an untamed Aslan. I learn to know God through themes of forgiveness in Dostoevsky, reason in Chesterton, loyalty in Tolkien, and wonder in the fairy story. God is always leading us toward the rooms Christ left us to imagine.

Like the angel of the LORD who appeared to the weary Elijah, God offers us words as strength for the journey: "Arise and eat, because the journey is too great for you" (1 Kings 19:7). It strikes me in the midst of this great journey of characters that this quality of God, this character who speaks, this Word who became flesh on our behalf, is indeed an extraordinary gift. Without words that startle us awake or stories that inexplicably remain with us, we would grow faint in the silence, longing for a voice to cry out in our wilderness. How remarkable that this is exactly the kind of God who speaks.

Jill Carattini is managing editor of A Slice of Infinity at Ravi Zacharias International Ministries in Atlanta, Georgia.

Controversy Over Trinity Cafe: The Gentrifiers Don't Want The Homeless, Plain & Simple

Neighborhood says it doesn't want Trinity Cafe to move in

http://www.myfoxtampabay.com/dpp/news/local/hillsborough/neighborhood-says-it-doesn't-want-trinity-cafe-to-move-in-091311

V.M. Ybor residents don't want homeless café

http://www2.tbo.com/news/usf-bulls/2011/sep/13/9/vm-ybor-residents-dont-want-homeless-cafe-ar-257268/

What a sorry excuse for a body of people who claim to care about and work toward the betterment of their community. Go ahead and let them create their little petition. Be the whining child who can't get his way.

I've got other plans. Like exposing their foolishness and double-minded intentions. They claim it's for neighborhood protection and preservation, I call it what it is: gentrification.

Gentrification and urban gentrification refer to the changes that result when wealthier people ("gentry") acquire property in low income and working class communities. Urban gentrification is associated with movement. Consequent to gentrification, the average income increases and average family size decreases in the community. It is commonly believed that this results in the poorer native residents of the neighborhood, being unable to pay increased rents, house prices, and property taxes, being displaced. Often old industrial buildings are converted to residences and shops. In addition, new businesses, catering to a more affluent base of consumers, move in, further increasing the appeal to more affluent migrants and decreasing the accessibility to the poor.

May God's people be served and Satan's helpers be put to shame.

"You [Lord] have been a refuge for the poor, a refuge for the needy in his distress, a shelter from the storm and a shade from the heat. For the breath of the ruthless is like a storm driving against a wall and like the heat of the desert. You silence the uproar of foreigners; as heat is reduced by the shadow of a cloud, so the song of the ruthless is stilled." - Psalm 25:4-5  

The neighborhood association requested that residents of VM Ybor send letters of opposition to this relocation of Trinity Cafe to the City Administration, namely the Mayor.

Well, I had quite a different letter in mind to write him. Here it is:

Mayor Buckhorn,

As a resident of the VM Ybor neighborhood and community, I would like to voice my SUPPORT for the Trinity Cafe relocation. I, and many others who live only blocks away from the potential relocation site, do not share the strident opposition that has been so clearly voiced by the VM Ybor NA. I have read through their Open Letter concerning this matter and do not share their views and opinions.

For instance, "VM Ybor NA does not feel that the quality of life for over 800 households and 3000 individuals should be further compromised to accommodate a single charity that seems to have skirted zoning
requirements and any public input process." I would question and inquire as to what they mean exactly by "quality of life being further compromised." Does the mere presence and sight of homeless people somehow diminish their quality of life? It would imply so, and I simply do not think that is a valid reason to oppose the Cafe's decision to move.

One of the reasons given for opposition is that "currently the VM Ybor community does not have a high homeless population." Even if that were true, why should it be grounds for opposition? I live in the neighborhood and see PLENTY of homeless individuals. I don't care if it is 1% or 100% by zipcode, the point is that in every corner of Tampa (let alone Ybor) there are homeless people in dire need. And we as concerned and compassionate citizens should not (as members of the NA appear) be cheifly interested in how proposed changes will affect our comfort, personal preferences and private property. That is the real problem here. If the Cafe's current relationship with the Salvation Army is not healthy and functional to their mission of providing meals in a dignified and restaurant-style fashion for the homeless, then I happily invite them to explore other options! Even if it takes them closer to me, my life, my home and my neighborhood. It would do the whole community well to face the reality of homelessness rather than keep outreach sites at a distance. If anything, this could be a superb opportunity for residents to get involved and volunteer. I have in the past and it is a beautiful act of service. The NA picks up trash on the weekends, hosts porch parties and home tours, as well as create community gardens and yard sale events. That's great. But where has their assistance been on the issue of homelessness? It may be lower in this neighborhood than others, but it is there nonetheless. Their silence and now opposition is far too uncomfortable, if not unjust, in my view.

As far as the rationale that "our neighborhood does not currently offer any other social services that these individuals would already be in the area for," this should actually make the NA feel embarrased. Perhaps this relocation could provide a model and example for the rest of the neighborhood that it has been severely lacking in this regard. We've neglected this kind of social service and been too concerned with "beautifying our neighborhood," which of course would be negatively affected by this sudden influx of less than attractive homeless individuals. Again, I question the motives and true intent of VM Ybor NA members. They most definitely do not represent me or my community's perspective on this potential change.

It was also stated that "for our community that means many homeless would be sleeping in a neighborhood, in alleys, in vacant houses, and on public right of ways in front of occupied homes." They do not necessarily know that to be true, and are opposing because of the hypothetical nuisance of sleeping homeless people in our neighborhoods. Seriously, there isn't even the hint of compassion in this letter. Everything relates to the interests of residents and no thought is given to the tremendous benefits that may come to our homeless friends and neighbors. That is another terrible problem with associations like these; they can get too introverted and self-defensive. I challenge the ideal of making a perfect little neighborhood where it is a self-contained unit of utopia. Instead, I live in the reality of a broken world and know that everyone is hurting and in need, most of all, the homeless. Can we please not shut them out repeatedly in Tampa. This trend and hostility is not only harmful to them, but flat out unethical. We have them saying "The impact on many residents at their personal property will be significant." What about the impact on the homeless? Who cares about that? Do you Mr. Mayor? I pray you do.

Here is another reason for their opposition to the Cafe's relocation to 2801 N Nebraska Ave
Two of 3 historic structures on the property would be demolished. The one building to remain and be renovated will be significantly altered in a style that does not reflect the important architectural heritage of Ybor.
Okay, i get it, they want to safeguard the historical integrity of the neighborhood. I am sensitive and aware of the importance of heritage, especially as it relates to the unique history of Ybor. But can I just ask, is the architecture of a neighborhood more important than the lives of individuals living, working, learning, growing and being brought up there? Change happens to citites, especially and most impactfully, in the urban centers. It is a part of the development and growth of a region, to expand and alter what came before for the better. I understand that this area would change, but I believe it would do so for the better. A marginalized and neglected people group would benefit. Isn't this what associations and political agendas should be about? Promoting the betterment of society for ALL its members. Sadly, this has not been the historical case in this neighborhood. Historical objects, homes, buildings and property trump living, breathing, feeling and history-making men and women. Sure, their histories are not told or seen in the public eye, but those of us who care to hear them, see them and know them will not stop supporting them. They are as much residents as we are.

You want to know the LEAST legitimate reason for their opposition, however.
There was a concern voiced many times over that the existing public safety issues (drug dealing,
prostitution, arson, gang activity, sexual offender and predator clustering) would be further exacerbated
with the influx of 200‐300 homeless individuals every day. It was also discussed that this is putting an “at
risk” population of homeless individuals in an environment that is not conducive to self‐help.
I hope you can discern the unstated assumption here. Homeless people are trouble makers. They aren't good to have around; if anything they will just make the existing public safety issues worse. Give me a break! Again, there is a general attitude of suspicion and condescension toward this population group. Again, this is conjecture and hypothetical reasoning at best. This NA gives no alternatives or advice whatsoever regarding the Trinity Cafe's need for relocation. All it is saying is "Nope, not here!" And it is effectively saying with all its supposedly convincing reasons, "Nope, no help for the homeless here." Appalling and baseless rationale. All this letter shows me is the kind of people my own neighborhood is full off. Quite unsettling I must admit.

There is honestly so much more I could delve into from this letter that they posted on the newsletter summing up the September meeting, but this has already gone on too long. My hope is that you will at least read it, read my concerns and know that there is substantial support for the relocation to VM Ybor. The NA may have the loudest voice, but it does not represent all of the neighborhood's constituents. And that is important for you, the City, and whoever else is involved in this decision, to realize and keep in mind. I want to see a city be radically transformed in regard to its treatment of the poor, the outcast, the neglected and the homeless. I want neighborhoods and elected officials to actually care in word and deed, rather than spit out hypocritical and ineffectual rhetoric. Please side with reason and compassion in your analysis of this situation, and give your support to the Trinity Cafe.

Thank you,

J.Rubano

The Butterfly Circus

The Butterfly Circus - HD from The Butterfly Circus on Vimeo.


http://vimeo.com/17150524

Very nicely done short film. Definitely contains enough substance to make a worthwhile, full-length film.

Words of Wisdom

Some advice Jeremy gave Hugo and me a while ago when we first met up with him to discuss relational problems we were having.

• Really hear what the other person needs - combat the fear dance
• Don't test the other person - accept them as they are, including their flaws
• Let the Holy Spirit change the person; don't expect that you can change them

Stuff we may know, but needed reminding of. And I'm glad we were.

Depression & utter dissatisfaction with life.

Desire to just fall asleep and never wake.

When will this hell end?

Eight months and counting... sigh.

You say have Faith. Hope. Love.

I wish I could.

You say I am Beloved and Precious.

I wish I believed You.

"So Pilate decided to grant their demand. He released the man who had been thrown into prison for insurrection and murder, the one they asked for, and surrendered Jesus to their will." - Luke 23:24-25

Are we looking to have Jesus be surrendered to our will, or for our lives to be surrendered to His will?

An 18th Century Milestone - Vaccination!

Toward the end of this century, Edward Jenner, an English country doctor, made a discovery that was to open the doors for the relief of untold suffering and death.

Smallpox had killed millions, and there was no indication that the number of cases was decreasing. Jenner overheard a dairymaid say that she could not catch smallpox because she had already had cowpox. Knowing that cowpox was a mild disease, he decided to experiment and vaccinated a small boy with pus from a cowpox lesion. Eight weeks later, the boy was inoculated with smallpox but did not get the disease. Jenner published his findings in 1798. Although Jenner was greeted with some skepticism at first, it was not long before the incidence of smallpox was greatly reduced in developed countries all over the world.

I was reading this excerpt last night in my book on disease and noticed a of couple things. This guy Jenner, who is credited with the discovery of the benefits of vaccination, was not singularly responsible for this scientific breakthrough. He had some help. A woman. Who knows what would have happened if he wasn't enlightened by this lady's insightful conversation. And this makes me wonder how many other great advances in science and medicine have been ascribed to only a handful of men rather than present a more complete story. (I also think it's interesting that we get this snippet of extra information from a textbook whose author is a woman. I would place a hefty bet that a male author would not pick up on such a detail.)

I am also slightly amused by the fact that Jenner decided to take this knowledge he gained from the dairymaid and test it out on a young boy. That's not dangerous or ethically questionable... I'm sure many people would just fall back on the usual logic of "well, at least it greatly reduced the risk of smallpox," as if results were all that mattered and not process.

Science is an interesting thing. And the way it is documented and conducted even more so.

Psalm 143:8

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.

A verse that stuck out to me during my time in the prayer room.

A Deeper Look at Prayer

me

Mark 1:21-45

As we examine prayer, there are three important things to consider.

• having a total dependence on God; there is no room for the American idols of independence and self-sufficiency.
• pray not like the Pharisees, but like a child; be honest and say how you feel.
• believe that God actually does hear you; your Father listens and he is pleased to meet with you.

Brian touched on a lot of things that relate to how I feel and how I have approached prayer recently. Why do I keep skipping church and missing out on these insights?! smh, would've been helpful to me during 24/7 prayer.

Jesus was completely dependent upon the Father and says so in John 5:19

"I tell you the truth, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does."

He embraces this state of helplessness and inadequacy apart from the Father because through his dependence upon Him, Jesus enjoys God's love, acceptance, intimacy and friendship. At first, it may seem unnecessary for Jesus to have to pray, but once we understand this strong dependence he has on his Father, we can begin to see the beauty of Jesus' prayer life and the implications it should have on our own.

The things Brian described about being in a state of prayerlessness - feeling distant and far from God, alienated, isolated, alone, unloved - have been true for me. I have existentially felt all of them and been inclined to cope with it by having the attitude of self-sufficiency. "If God is not there for me, then I guess I will just have to be there for myself, taking care of my own life." It's not that I didn't want to feel close to him or be in his presence. It's more like I felt alone, and instead of coming to him dependent and helpless, I accepted loneliness and relied on my own efforts to alleviate it. I tend to do that - withdraw and recluse - rather than seek God with a poverty of spirit. I need to learn to be okay with those dual realities of deep and profound prayer: 1) that I am helpless and inadequate without my Father. I desperately need Him and must acknowledge my utter dependence on Him for everything in my life. I must let go on my independence. 2) God has not forsaken me. Instead, he has loved me and offered his eternal friendship to me. Incredible.

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." - John 15:5

Father, help me to embrace this sense of inadequacy apart from you, just like your Son. Drive out the fear that holds me and restrains me from giving you more control and authority in my life. Continue to break me of this independence I have been taught to espouse all my life. Humble me and teach me to walk with a poverty of spirit that opens myself up to you...daily. Amen.

I really liked the connection made between weakness and grace. When we admit our true condition - one of weakness and dependency - God's grace is right there accessible and available to us. It is stored for us and waiting in the room called Prayer. And when we refuse to pray, when we refuse to accept our weakness and great need, we then reject God and the grace he gives. When we prefer our facade of strength to the truth of his unparalleled grace and love, we remain trapped in the cycle of prayerlessness and absence of intimacy with our Maker. The truth is I don't know how to always forsake my strong will and self-determination. I'm tempted to even want to make myself stop being so self-reliant, perhaps through some kind of discipline or act of will, but that itself would expose my folly. I can not, however much I want to or try to, change myself. Not by my own actions or will. I need GRACE. I need God's mysterious grace that somehow transforms me and makes me new. I think this reality of grace will always perplex me because I don't fully get it. I want it, I know I need it, but for some reason I still find myself resisting it. It's like I see Jesus, I love him, I want to be close to him, share my meals and life with him, and yet I stand there in front of him immobilized and afraid to take a step toward him. And I just kind of envision my need to simply kneel down in that moment and let myself be broken and torn, let the pain and harsh realities of my life just hit me and humble me. And then it's like that transaction that is going on in my heart leaves me bare and naked before my Lord. And instead of me needing to get up the nerve to take that step toward Jesus, he, watching this beautiful personal embrace of weakness, walks toward me with a cloak of his grace and lays it over me.. Covering my sin, my brokenness, my fears, my disobedience, my doubt, my faithlessness, my double-mindedness, my... everything.

"But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.' - Luke 18:13

Jesus, thank you that your grace is on the bottom shelf, and that it is for the lowly.

God desires that we pray like children - honestly, openly and without guile. I thought it was quite interesting when Brian brought up the story of Nathanael and his classic line in John 1:46

“Nazareth! Can anything good come from there?”

Nathanael has no filter. He just says exactly what he thinks. No matter that he just insulted... GOD. And not only that, but his mother, family and whole people group as well. But before we can go off and judge him for it, we have to consider Jesus' own response in John 1:47

"Here truly is an Israelite in whom there is no deceit."

I find that Jesus rarely, if ever, responds in the way I expect him to. Here he says something very intriguing. I almost want to be like, "Jesus, did you hear what the guy said?! C'mon, where's your rebuke?" But he says everything purposefully. And we need to want to hear his purpose here. I would agree with Brian's interpretation that Jesus loves Nathanael and his unashamed lack of pretense. Though this isn't the context of prayer, it still can speak to us about not worrying whether we are "getting it right" all the time with God.

When you approach God, do so with a heart free from guile. Free from deceit. Free from falsehood. The image of a child really is the most appropriate when we come to examine prayer. For what is a child other than a little bundle of uninhibited honesty? They say what's on their mind and how they feel. And we don't learn this kind of prayer by listening to the eloquent, half-sermonizing prayers of those who do so out loud. No, there is no formula or correct method. All one has to do is go into a secret room, where it is just God and them, and pray. Talk to him like who he is... your Father. Abba, daddy. I needed to be reminded of that. I shouldn't be intimidated by prayer or feel inadequate in my attempts to "know exactly what to pray." I sometimes have the wrong image of God, maybe even the kind that Brian brought up, of a God who sits back and waits to see if we will come to him. And if we manage to, then he will contemplate whether to show his love, grace, and self to us... No, he is not like that at all. He is a good dad, one that I never knew until being brought back into right relationship through Jesus Christ.

Intimacy is something that we make time and space for. Man, is that true! And do I need to take that seriously! I'm trying, though :)

I hadn't thought too much about the first recorded words of Jesus before in Luke 2:49

"Why were you searching for me?" he asked. "Didn't you know I had to be in my Father's house?"

 Just like with his response to Nathanael, I am not expecting these words from Jesus. But again, there is something deeper being said here. There is always this desire for him to, as Tozer would say, "fly back to be in the room with God." When you think about it, Jesus is always escaping from the crowds and people to be alone with his Father. And in this passage from Mark, he does it again. The question is how often am I doing it, and is it a strong yearning to be in the presense of the Father that motivates me to retreat away like Jesus?

The last aspect of prayer was whether we actually believe that God will hear us. Does he listen and respond? In John 15, Jesus reminds us to "ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you." If we see God as our Father in heaven, then we should not be timid or afraid to ask him for things that are on our hearts. We should be thankful that we serve a God who has made himself available to us and has extended to us the great gift of "Whatever it is, all you have to do is ask." I grew up being mostly fearful of asking my father for things, and I think that has affected the way I interact with God during prayer. It's important for me to be reminded of the truths of who he really is and what he is like, because it is so easy for me to forget and then feel distant or somehow undeserving of God's love, affection, and response during prayer. And I suppose that is why I cling so much to the Bible; it is God's words always reminding me of who He is that seem to bring me back to life when I feel weary and discouraged. Thank you so much for that, Lord.

And speaking of the Word, do we also believe what it has to say when we come to God in prayer? For example in Revelation 21:5 when it says,

He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

Do we believe that God is actually making everything new? Broken relationships. Acts of injustice. Personal hearts. When we pray, do we do so with faith and expectation, knowing that our God intervenes and cares about our situation? Do you know that the world is different because you have prayed for it? The world is affected by our prayers. I need to be reminded of these things. There is some mysterious way in which it is changed because we intercede and appeal to our Father. I need to believe this more and be encouraged to pray boldly and from the heart. James comments that, "You don't have, because you don't ask." And why don't we ask? Perhaps it is from lack of faith, or doubt. God won't hear me. God doesn't care about this. What's the point? A sense of apathy and indifference replaces earnest child-like faith and hopefulness. I desire a renewal of this spiritual eagerness and expectation to hear from my dad in heaven. I know he is listening.

Not only do we believe, but do we care? When we pray, is it from a deep longing and desire to see the world renewed and restored? Are our emotions a part of our prayers, do we weep for our neighbors, family and friends who are still in the bondage of sin and death? It is not all emotion or all intellect; both play a part when we come to God. He wants to address our minds as well as our hearts.

We cannot settle to just work but not pray. To demonstrate effort but not effect. To show outward love but not power. Or to see ministry done but not transformation. We need to be a different community of God's called ones. Grace, faith and risk-taking should mark our lives. When we take risks, we become more desperate. And when we become desperate, we pray. In that place of prayer we find grace, love, acceptance and friendship with God. There he reminds us that he is pleased with our efforts and boldness to follow him in radical ways. There we are also challenged and encouraged to take greater risks, knowing that Jesus is always with us as we step out in his name.

Perhaps we do not pray because we do not live risky lives. I feel as though that is true for me. It's likely we are living out the life God has called us to when we experience nervous feelings about what it is we must do weekly. When was the last time these "butterflies in the stomach" happened to you? I want to be more of a risk taker for Jesus and come to know and believe there really is nothing to fear. There is nothing that can compare to or overshadow His eternal love and friendship. Nothing. I thank you so much for this, Lord.

Hold On

Everybody’s got something they are trying to overcome
Everybody’s got a secret they have swept underneath the rug
Everybody has spoken a lie behind a brother
Looking for a splinter in the eye of another
You don’t ever have to feel alone
Together we are on this road.


We got the light that never fades
We’re gonna make it through today
Hold on, hold on.
We got the heart that brings the hope
We got the key to free your soul
Hold on, hold on.


Everybody is looking for love and looking for a meaning Everybody is searching for reasons to keep believing And everybody is hanging on tryin’ to not let go
Just praying for the strength to carry this heavy load.
You don’t ever have to feel alone
Together we are on this road.


We got the light that never fades
We’re gonna make it through today
Hold on, hold on.
We got the heart that brings the hope
We got the key to free your soul
Hold on, hold on.


It’s taking us over tonight
We’re handing you over our lives.
It’s taking us over tonight
We’re handing you over our lives.
Yeah


We got the heart, we got the hope,
We’ve got the key, you’ve got the soul
We’ve got the love coming from above
Gotta give it away to everyone.


We got the heart that brings the hope
We got the key to free your soul
Hold on, hold on.


Okay, Jesus, I'll hold on...

Lectio Divina

Lectio Divina is Latin for divine reading, spiritual reading, or "holy reading," and represents a traditional Catholic practice of prayer and scriptural reading intended to promote communion with God and to increase in the knowledge of God's Word. It is a way of praying with Scripture that calls one to study, ponder, listen and, finally, pray and even sing and rejoice from God's Word, within the soul. - Wikipedia

I was introduced to this way of encountering God and His Word during my Experiencing the Bible class that I took at the Underground this summer. Guy spoke about the Word as the heart of God, and showed us how this way of divine reading can really help us to listen and obey God's voice as revealed through Scripture. I thoroughly enjoyed it and have made it a goal to continue this spiritual discipline in my own devotional life.

A Note I Liked on FB

The Note
by David Thomas on Friday, July 29, 2011 at 12:47am.

I don't believe that God intended for the modern woman to be as strong as she is today.

Contrary to the wording or how you may have interpreted the post, this doesn't mean that God intended for women to be weak.

What I did mean to explain is that women have been forced to assume roles and take on responsibilities that God never intended for them to fill and put on strength that they should have never had to muster.

The single mother has to juggle the roles of mother and father because dad couldn't bother.

The rape victim has to cope with trust and self esteem issues that without the help of God, may never go away.

The single Woman of God who's mind is not only on marriage but on her supposed "biological clock" now considers "settling" just because she feels there aren't enough REAL Men of God around; much less men who are willing to pastor her household.

The first time expectant mother who for lack of support from her baby daddy and/or own low self esteem issues sees abortion as the only option.(By the way, the enactment of state laws that require father notification or consent before an abortion takes place has been ruled as unconstitutional.)

The daughter who was raised to be "independent." And by independent I mean gets her education, career and house and proudly proclaims that "She doesn't need a man for anything!" Meanwhile, a good man who may or may not make as much money as her, who's also not intimidated but supportive of her success never gets the chance to get close because of her fears of being labeled as "weak." You see, while she was building the walls of her empire she was also building a wall around her heart; vowing not to get hurt or trampled on like momma was. She's not used to a man loving her for who she is. So she doesn't know how to appreciate it when it does happen. My sister in the Lord, Sis Claudelle Scott Bailey testified that "we(women) had to be strong for so long that we sometimes overstep our boundaries."

I can list more examples, but I guess you get the point.

Too many times women are making decisions, shouldering burdens and filling shoes that God originally intended for a Man to wear. I don't suggest at all that women shouldn't be cautious when opening up to a potential mate. Im also not implying that a woman is incomplete without one. However ladies, know that if you do wish to be happily married one day, that the best way to judge a mans character is by what measuring it with God says a husband is supposed to be. And be careful not to push them away!

REAL men seem to be endangered species, because society told us that showing vulnerability means showing weakness! That's why it's so difficult for a man to admit love much less properly show it.

The few of us that actually do go to church constantly struggle with the simple act of lifting our hands in worship, because we were raised to believe that real men don't surrender to anyone! It's pretty difficult to worship God in Spirit and in Truth when you're whole persona is based on lies.

Ephesians 5 vs 22-23:

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

vs 25:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

Breaking the generational curse that still affects our government, churches and our homes is mandatory! And it needs to start with FAMILY! Love is a verb. Man's responsibility is to love our wives to the point where if necessary we would give our lives for them. Let our daughters know that they are queens whether they get married or not. They can be successful and still be open for courtship. Inform our daughters that the only man that can claim he's "God's gift to women", died on a cross and proved it! And unless "homeboy" can submit himself to that, then you shouldn't submit yourself to him! We need to teach our daughters that humility and submission are not signs of weakness. They are characteristics of a Virtuous Woman. They are NOT synonymous with he says "jump" you say "how high?" Or better yet, he says "What kind of things do you like?" and she says "Whatever it is you like!" LOL.

Let our future kings know that's its okay to shed tears and express themselves. This will create a pathway to their heart that isn't blocked by foolish pride or societal constraints. This pathway makes it easier for their future wife to navigate and clearer for God to enter.

Real men do exist! And real women appreciate them!

Okay, I think im finished for now. There's a lot more to say but maybe another time. Feel free to respectfully add your 2 cents. God bless you all.

This note was written under the influence of the Holy Spirit, from 30 years experience of being a black man, through friendly and inspring conversations with some of you and with love.

Gifts of the Holy Spirit

What a great sermon. Wish I hadn't missed crucible now. I really liked the way he touched on the first part about receiving the Holy Spirit in the first place. How we receive both forgiveness of sin and the Spirit at our conversion experience. I have raised similar questions and been equally confused by the same things that he mentioned, such as doubting ever receiving the Spirit instead of realizing how He is in fact always there, but we just need to pray for more and more of Him. His analogy of hunger pains meaning we just need more food and not that we have never eaten in our life was actually very interesting when applied to our relationship with the Spirit. Our sin problem reminds us that we need the Spirit in increasing amounts, and even this hunger for more of Him (ie: for more of His strength) is evidence that He dwells within us already. We hunger again as we remember the times he came through for us in the past and it makes us yearn for him to intervene on our behalf again. I also liked the emphasis on our lives being a gift to the body of Christ and to the world more than on figuring out what particular gifts God has given us. I tend to ask that question a lot because I want to discover how God has equipped me for ministry. I believe that people have a unique role to play in serving God and His kingdom, and that perhaps God has used gifting as a way to build that in his Church. But it is more practical to simply ask the question, "Is my life a gift that is being used to build people up?" because it is other-minded to begin with, and it leads us to assess whether we really are being servants to our neighbors. It has a general perspective about what it means to follow Jesus. When our interest in personal gifting turns into obsessing about what they are and takes away from us simply loving other people, then that becomes a stumbling block. So, Wil's assertion seems to be a fair one. Perhaps I need to self-reflect on that more. I do still pray, though, that the Spirit would help me see what gifts I have and empower me to use them for God's purposes. Being in this in-between stage, where I often have no idea or sense of direction for my life, I wonder what special gifts the Holy Spirit would have me possess because maybe that would bring clarity to this fog I am in...

The superheroes vs. villains metaphor was also very appropriate. I could see how the gifts of the Holy Spirit could either be used for selfish reasons(like a villain) or for the benefit of others like it says is the purpose in verse 7: "To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good." I want my life to honor and glorify God as well as be a gift to the body. I feel challenged by this message to be more intentional with the way I love others and serve God's people. I want Him to stretch me more in this area and help me to willingly and gladly pour myself out for the sake of others. If I'm honest, I'm not usually like that. I have a lot of growing to do in this aspect of Jesus' character. But thankfully, he has not left us alone. He has not left me alone. From the moment I surrendered my life to Jesus (which for me was more of a time span than an individual moment I can readily recall) his Spirit has been with me, teaching me, convicting me, consoling me and guiding me along. Wil's reminder to us that the Holy Spirit is a Person (not a force) has made me realize that I do not always view him as such. Sometimes I just don't get the Spirit or know how to connect with him. He's often more like a theological concept to me, part of the mysterious Trinity. And that's not good. I need to open myself up more to him and not be afraid. Not be doubtful or skeptical. Just welcoming and receptive. I pray for God to work this out in me.

The last thing I really liked about the passage was the diversity of gifts but the same Spirit. "Now there are varieties of gifts, but the same Spirit; and there are varieties of service, but the same Lord; and there are varieties of activities, but it is the same God who empowers them all in everyone." We are meant to be different and this is to the glory of God. He wills it and delights in it. There is a beauty that comes with the different gifts of the Holy Spirit. Wil said that if we have the Spirit, then we have all gifts. I suppose this is true, but there are a couple that the Spirit highlights and empowers in each of us, and I think there is a reason for this. If we each had every gift possible from the Holy Spirit, then why would we need or depend on each other? But that's the genius of distributing them among God's people. Some with tongues, others with wisdom, still others with gifts of healing and faith. As a collection of God's people, then, can we see Him truly and fully at work. Just as an eye or a hand cannot say to the rest of the body that it does not need it or that it is somehow better... so it is with gifting. None is better than the other (and tongues is not lame, I don't know what's wrong with Wil except that he obviously had a bad experience with that growing up, understandably). There is no status that should come with a particular spiritual gift. Together they demonstrate the magnificence and power of the almighty God. And to me, it is just a privilege and blessing to know that He - the Creator of the Universe - would choose to share this part of himself with us. He loves us so much that he wants us to be participants in his power for the sake of the lost. The one Great Superhero of the world desires that we be little superheroes on a mission to bring his love to the nations. It's so wonderful. It's what stirs my heart and quickens my spirit. This God we serve is amazing and he is so worthy of my life.

Life in the Desert

Evagrius and Acedia (the Noonday Demon)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Acedia
http://logismoitouaaron.blogspot.com/2010/03/demon-of-noondayst-cassian-evagrius-on.html

This sermon has probably been the most relevant of all the ones I've heard this summer. I'm most definitely feeling like I'm in a desert with God... and Satan. Hearing this message is like hearing my lived reality put in perspective and made sense of. I wonder how long this will last and what way I will get out. The advice here in dealing with the temptation for boredom is to "do something" and to trust and have faith in God. I suppose this is my answer and I will need to see how it plays out in my situation.


"For I was made to dwell with you, and how I ache until I do"

Leader as Alchemist

The last class of spiritual leadership was such a great closer. We dealt with leader as the alchemist. Most of what I have heard about alchemy relates to its origins as a pseudo-science and precursor to the natural science of chemistry. I hadn’t thought about this image before in any other way than that. But its use as an image for leadership really is quite appropriate and revealing. Just the definition can already provide a glimpse for how it corresponds to a leader over God’s people. Alchemy is the transmutation of common metals into precious and sacred metals such as gold. People, like metals, are chemical and reactive agents waiting to have their very nature transformed. Whereas in alchemy, this process of transformation is mysterious and ultimately impossible, the transformative process that changes human lives is not only known but working before our very eyes. It is because the power to do so is yielded by the Creator himself. He is mysterious, true, but He is also the maker of the impossible. He turns the ordinary, the common and the unvalued, into gold. And it’s amazing. The example of Jesus and his twelve disciples is very telling. They were uneducated, they were unholy, they were by all accounts, ordinary men. But what Christ did in their lives, now that is everything. He is our Great Alchemist, altering the core of who we used to be by the power of the Holy Spirit. He makes us clean and new, righteous and dear to the Father’s heart. And He calls each of us who are leaders (in whatever capacity) to be alchemists ourselves, following the direction of Jesus to see people’s lives forever changed.

I have to ask myself, where am I doing that? Or maybe, am I doing that? Whose lives am I influencing in such a way that they are being drawn closer to Jesus and his internally reconstructive work? The story of Barnabas and Saul really does provide a beautiful example of spiritual alchemy. Barnabas chose to befriend the unholy Saul and give him a chance when most people in the church would not. He had faith in the impossible to happen – true redemption of this former enemy of God. Barnabas persisted in loving this man Saul and seeing him experience change at the fundamental level, becoming a new man in Christ and receiving the new identity of Paul. Like an alchemist, Barnabas genuinely rejoices when he witnesses this human copper become divinely-touched gold. I want to be that same kind of shepherd and mentor to the people who God places in my life, viewing them with the eyes of the God who made them and searching for ways that His grace is already preparing them for incredible transformation.

The principle of working through gradual, yet radical change is something that motivates me to continue reaching out to youth in Ybor as well as to family, friends and coworkers. The story of Paul and Barnabas demonstrates how a person (no matter how far they are from God) can truly change. We can actually, in faith, hope to see the people we lead become who we want them (and know God has made them) to be. This last lesson of leadership has more recently applied to my relationship with my sister than to the youth in the Walk, since the microchurch has taken a break for summer and my sister has decided to move here to Tampa to get a fresh start. I feel as though God is bringing her back into my life possibly for the very purpose of this kind of spiritual alchemy to take place. The profile outline of the alchemist at work is helpful as a guide and encouragement in this journey. I especially like how it produces something precious, yet unrefined. I think there is such a temptation to want to see a person’s life instantly change the moment they choose to follow Christ. But that is usually not the case. People slowly become new creations as they grow in their relationship with God and learn what it means to surrender to Him daily.

The alchemist must also set his work down intermittently to see if transformation is actually happening. I hadn’t realized that Jesus did this in his own ministry, focusing on just 12 cities, instructing them and giving them space to put his teaching into practice. He maintained a kind of dance with them, just like Barnabas would later do with Paul. I want to be that same kind of missionary, investing significant time into people, following up with their progress and rejoicing with them in their spiritual growth. This mode of leadership has relational depth and a strong sense of community. Perhaps that is why it appeals to me so much.

My prayer right now is for God to touch my heart in such a way that I truly believe my sister is gold. She has not yet become that, but she is on her way. God is drawing her. I hope to maintain this high expectation for her even in the wake of daily struggles of doubt and pessimism. I know He is faithful and has chosen me to be useful for his kingdom. I know that sometimes family members can be the hardest to reach, especially when they have become your newest roommate. But that is what is so amazing about the alchemistic leader; they don’t just work with one kind of metal – one mission field – say, inner city youth or the artist community. No, when they see this unbelievable process work with one, they try it with every other they come across. It is exhilarating to see God’s transforming alchemy occur in a person. You just want to see it happen again and again with everyone else you know and meet. You want each person to experience the love of God that purifies and makes them gold. You want Sauls to become Pauls and dejected John Marks to be restored disciples. There is something in the spiritual leader that yearns for this and seeks out opportunities to join with Christ in His work of alchemy.

Loving People

1 Corinthians 8 - Concerning Food Sacrificed to Idols

1 Now about food sacrificed to idols: We know that “We all possess knowledge.” But knowledge puffs up while love builds up. 2 Those who think they know something do not yet know as they ought to know. 3 But whoever loves God is known by God.


4 So then, about eating food sacrificed to idols: We know that “An idol is nothing at all in the world” and that “There is no God but one.” 5 For even if there are so-called gods, whether in heaven or on earth (as indeed there are many “gods” and many “lords”), 6 yet for us there is but one God, the Father, from whom all things came and for whom we live; and there is but one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom all things came and through whom we live.


7 But not everyone possesses this knowledge. Some people are still so accustomed to idols that when they eat sacrificial food they think of it as having been sacrificed to a god, and since their conscience is weak, it is defiled. 8 But food does not bring us near to God; we are no worse if we do not eat, and no better if we do.


9 Be careful, however, that the exercise of your rights does not become a stumbling block to the weak. 10 For if someone with a weak conscience sees you, with all your knowledge, eating in an idol’s temple, won’t that person be emboldened to eat what is sacrificed to idols? 11 So this weak brother or sister, for whom Christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. 12 When you sin against them in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against Christ. 13 Therefore, if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall.

Wow, this message was amazing! It really challenged me to rethink and actually take to heart the full intent of love and care for others expressed in the passage above. Where have I allowed my knowledge to puff up and be a detriment to my brothers and sisters rather than an encouragement? Where has my lack of love and genuine concern for others gotten a hold of me? I remember saying things like what Paul quotes above and reasoning it out, yet only with myself in mind. I have such a need for God to help me discover where I fail to consider my actions in relation to those around me. Paul speaks of food sacrificed to idols here, but he could easily have been talking about our freedom to drink or something else as well. I remember a time when I did not understand the voluntary abstinence from alcohol that some people had chosen. I would mentally think of the same kinds of arguments that these knowledgeable Corinthians gave. But there is something so much greater they were missing - it was God's love. It's a revealing question to ask yourself whether you could in all honesty say, like Paul, that "if what I eat causes my brother or sister to fall into sin, I will never eat meat again, so that I will not cause them to fall." I want God to grow my heart more, to beat out of me this perpetual selfishness and replace it with a desire to truly love the people He puts in my life. Find out how I can best serve them, encourage them, edify them and cherish them like the Father does. Like Francis mentioned, our faith is more than having the right knowledge or theology. It's living it out and becoming more  like the Christ whom we follow and love. Studying this passage and really believing it means that our lives actually come to reflect it. I feel humbled by these words of Scripture because I see how vastly different my life and own heart are compared to it. Something that struck me were the words, "for whom Christ died," referring to a fellow brother or sister. If I really had that perspective in mind when I made decisions, I believe my choices and behaviors would be more honorable to the Lord. But I find that I don't often think that way. Sure, theologically or mentally I understand that truth, but to apply it and integrate it to my day-to-day living would greatly transform it. I would consider how my actions affect the well-being of fellow believers, whether it would draw them closer to God or lead them astray.

His mention of Romans 9 also hit me hard. ¹ I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit— ² I have great sorrow and unceasing anguish in my heart. ³ For I could wish that I myself were cursed and cut off from Christ for the sake of my people. I feel convicted of the usual state of my heart. I am not filled with an overwhelming sense of sorrow or unending anguish for nonbelievers. Perhaps the closest to that has been my softening heart and compassion for my sister who seems so ready to have Jesus forgive her sins and put her faith in Him. But this burning and deep fear for others' eternal condition is not the long-standing character of my heart. I care for a while, but then it slowly dwindles or fades. Then I care again. It fades. I need God's ferocious concern and passion for people to know Him. Like Francis recounting the story of his grandma on her deathbed. That was truly incredible. I want to have that fire and immediacy of faith that passionately pleads with God to intervene and save. I know I am lacking in this when I pray for my family. I need God's grace so much. I need His love. 1 Corinthians 13  ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 

⁷ Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. ¹⁰ This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. ¹¹ Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us. - 1 John 4

Francis' reference to this passage was also illuminating. People will actually get a glimpse of God and His amazing love when His people are loving each other as they should. The invisible can indeed be made visible among us. What a gift and blessing to others when we surrender to Jesus in this way!

A final impression that remains with me is his emphasis on verse 3 in the very first passage, But whoever loves God is known by God. We can continue to accumulate knowledge about God, facts and teachings about God, but at the end of the day that won't matter. And a part of that scares me because I know how easy it is for me to retreat to the realm of philosophical, theological, conceptual. But Jesus is alive, the Spirit is at work and the Father is ever-present, listening to my prayers and conversations with Him. There is no amount of knowledge I can obtain that will bring me closer to God or will build and nurture the intimacy that my soul craves and my spirit thirsts for. The mind is so very limited in this regard. It is why God wants our HEARTS. It is here that love can be ignited and maintained. The connection to Galatians 4 is also insightful,  ⁹ But now that you know God—or rather are known by God— It is not knowing God, but God knowing us that seems to make all the difference. The way Francis talked about his relationship with God and his interactions with people was quite inspiring. I could tell how much he believes and trusts in the Lord. He is walking out his faith in humility and tremendous love. He's honest about his own struggles and hopeful about his continued perseverance in being conformed to the likeness of Christ. It motivates me to get honest with God, to lay myself bare before Him so that I can truly be transformed into the woman He has predestined me to be. This message is such a great reminder of the power that authentic love has in the lives of people. Man, do I have so much more to grow in. But praise be to God, who is so faithful and gracious, and who delights in speaking to His children as they come to Him broken and humble, and with hearts overflowing with love.

Leader as Philosopher

A discerning leader is aware of what drives them to do things. They have developed some kind of philosophy that shapes their actions, thinking and way of life. Spiritual leaders do not conduct themselves like those of the world do. This is because they study the life and ministry of Jesus to determine what principles and values should influence their leadership style. Unlike so many leaders today, with the go-get-it attitude, Christian leaders have been called by God to act differently by applying filters to their decision-making. Perhaps you could follow one particular course of action, but a good leader stops to think, “How will this affect my people and the others with whom I lead?” It seems obvious that leaders should take into account the lives of others, but sadly that is often not the case. We must not just read and learn about how to follow Jesus and lead his people; we must put it into practice.

I like that philosopher means, “lover of wisdom” and not simply “lover of knowledge.” We had previously learned about leader as first grader, with the inherent thirst for and delight in knowledge for knowledge’s sake. But there is something more to wisdom. It is applied, or as Brian put it, practical knowledge. There is a putting two and two together with wisdom. Knowledge is fact and information, but there is a power that comes with having and using wisdom. I feel like this is one of the great treasures of a believer and something that I long to have abundantly increase as I continue to grow in my relationship with Jesus. Having your mind opened by God and your eyes unveiled to the realities and intricacies of life is incredible. And it is something that I believe God does for a believer (and especially a leader) purposefully. Philosophers are more than first-graders in that they do not simply read the works of others, but they critically contemplate and consider them, with an ultimate motive of synthesizing their own philosophy. To me, they are more active thinkers, going beyond mere voracious knowledge consumption to relating what they learn. As Christian philosophers, we get to apply the Word to our situations, relying on the wisdom of the Holy Spirit to help us use what we’ve learned for the good of those we lead and encounter in our lives.

The whole discussion about EQ was really insightful. You don’t hear intelligence talked about in this way usually. At least I haven’t, being a recent natural science scholar. It makes me think of how upside down this world’s (and my own) perception of intellect has been. I’m the kind of person who brushes my emotions aside and probably ends up looking like the characteristic cold and distant philosopher. I’ve discovered, by God’s grace however, the tremendous importance of building one’s emotional intelligence. My relationships with friends and family have shown me the deficit I often had in this regard, thankfully until relatively recently. It was coming to know Jesus, though, that planted those seeds of sensitivity that later I would see grow into genuine concern for others. It is still a struggle for me to maintain emphasis on EQ rather than IQ, perhaps because of my #5 personality type and just the nature of how I was brought up. Being a leader in the Walk reinforces this necessary emphasis because middle schoolers crave relationship and emotional bonds, not savvy arguments and impressive words.

I found the 4 stages of EQ development helpful in identifying where I am at. I believe that I am able to perceive/sense emotion (in myself and others) and even reason through it. However, I encounter a block when it comes to understanding emotion and why it’s happening. This makes it very difficult to manage emotion and the dynamics it creates in human relations. My relationship with my fiancé is probably the best example, where I find myself feeling a certain way (ie: upset) and not entirely knowing why.

The knowledge square made a lot of sense to me by categorizing it. This brought to the surface the gifts that community, confession and prayer are. God has provided a way for his followers and his leaders to healthily deal with issues such as one’s blind spots and facades. It challenges me to seriously assess my own pretenses and ignorance, seeking the face of God to expose me and mold me for the better. Of the ways to grow in EQ I feel that it will be most difficult for me to establish mechanisms of feedback. The reason being is I’m such a private person and I don’t take criticism very well. Living in what was supposed to be “community” has definitely demonstrated this personality flaw. Strangely, I have a longing for precisely that – a network of close people whom I trust that can call me out in love. I know the Spirit is our counselor and convict-er, but I also see the immense value in community as a God-enabled and God-supported means by which one another is spiritually edified and disciplined.

Leader as Inspirator

I really appreciated this image of leadership because I am drawn to words, whether written or spoken, and the influential power they have to impact people’s lives. Words are the means by which ideologies and worldviews are expressed. This is significant because the way we choose to act and live, in part, springs forth from the way we interpret reality, make sense of the world and most importantly, understand the living God. As spiritual leaders we are entrusted with the very Word of God and have been called to speak with words that proclaim truth in love. As such, our words should sometimes cut, challenge and convict. However, they should equally serve to encourage and inspire the people we lead.

One of my lifelong struggles will doubtlessly be to tame my tongue and use it for God’s purposes, especially as an emerging leader in His church. I am usually the type of person who focuses on the negative rather than the positive. I often first see the flaws in a thing or person and must make a conscious effort to acknowledge the good, the hopeful, the inspiring and potential. So this lesson has been particularly relevant to me and my obvious room for growth in this area of leadership.

As leaders we should not overlook the great gift and responsibility that our words are in the kingdom. It is through them that we articulate the gospel to an unbeliever and rally a team of devoted followers to lay their whole lives down for Christ’s sake. I love how God has made us to be imitators of Him in this way – breathing life into others just as He first breathed life into Adam. I want to know more of this mystery, where the Spirit moves through a people and gives them renewed hope and passion for the mission to which they have been called. I want to develop more in this area for the sake of the kids I lead and the people I serve alongside in the Walk. It can sometimes appear like we are in it alone, with little hope of more people rising up as youth leaders. But it is in those precise moments that inspiration among the team is essential.

I like the idea of a leader as a reminder-er of his or her people, simply offering them an expanded perspective in which to interpret life and telling them essentially what they already know. They already know that Jesus is faithful and at work. They already know the unparalleled love God has for the youth in this city. He will not leave the fields empty of harvesters. Sometimes the leader, the inspirator, must call this truth out in the hearts of their people so as to strengthen faith and promote perseverance. It is also an encouragement in the sense that they actually possess what it takes to lead well, the Holy Spirit within them. Like Paul reminds the Romans, they have been equipped with everything they need. They do not need him and our own ministries do not at the end of the day require us. Our small groups of leaders have definitely gained a great deal from biblical guidance and instruction, but what will truly benefit them is the kind of inspirational encouragement that reminds them of who they are in Christ and releases them as surrendered agents of God’s kingdom. With or without us.

I have been blessed with a team that does not become easily pessimistic or de-inspired. They have a trust in God that carries them through any task and provides more than enough motivation to serve kids however they can. The lessons learned here, though, will undoubtedly apply in the future as the ministry grows and the challenges become greater. The need for routine inspiration will be even more important.

This image of leadership has shown me that I really do need to rekindle the kind of self-inspiration I once knew and enjoyed. I’m seeing more and more the connection between memory – the remembering of truths, of past experiences, of the Scriptures – and the internal sense of peace and joy that comes from this recollection that things have and will work out even in the gloomiest of circumstances. Having this fire maintained inside will enable successful triangulation in the future, where God is purposefully invited into a situation between you and another person, and where inspiration can hopefully result.

I really liked the breakdown given at the end of class for equipping, inspiring and supporting roles of leaders. I agree that we can often excel in equipping and supporting, but tend to slack or underestimate the value of periodic inspiration. The example of Churchill’s speech connects well to its significance in stirring the hearts and spirit of a people. They can be given the tools to complete a mission and the emotional support, but what frequently links the two together is the inspired mindset and reasoning that what we are doing is indeed changing the world for the better through the power of Jesus Christ.

The God who draws us near to Him and to each other

So my sister may actually come to live with me in Tampa! I can't believe how just yesterday she called me in tears, despairing about how her life was once again falling apart, but today there is hope and excitement for the possibility of a completely new and different life. I am truly amazed at how magnificently God unfolds the events in our lives. I did not know that the painfully long conversation which ended with a glimmer of hope yesterday would transform into something so wonderful and optimistic tonight. God is incredible. He is 1000x more good than I would give Him credit for. I remember throwing out the idea for her to come live down here with me and my heart just rising up inside, full of hopeful possibility. And her answer of, "I don't know... I wouldn't want to be a burden for you." I couldn't stop thinking about and recognizing just how spiritual our conversation was. Her yearnings, fears, doubts, questions. They all surfaced. I was blown away by her eager openness, vulnerability, honesty and humility. Her longing to be loved and cared for, to be wrapped in protective arms and reassured that everything would be okay. I knew she was really asking for God to fill that hole of emptiness inside. To take away her pain, despair, loneliness and fear. I am glad that He opened this door for me to share Jesus with her again. It is so interesting how God answers prayers, especially when you do not expect it. I had prayed the other night for my older brother, crying about what has happened to him recently, and praying for God to somehow bring my family closer to me... specifically in the sense that they become closer to my heart. I often struggle with truly loving and caring for people from my heart. I know that it is there that God must repeatedly fill me up with His love and compassion. I think it is the #5 in me, the detaching and coping un-emotional side. But something woke up in me yesterday and again tonight. It's like I have renewed feelilng there... the kind that sensitively feels the pain of others and takes great concern over them. I rejoice over the fact that he has brought us closer together even as I grieve over the way it has had to come. I'm thrilled at the willingness she has to move here and trust that things will work out somehow. I feel as though God is preparing us for something new and amazing, and I cannot wait to see what it will all look like. I'm glad for the opportunity to have her attend Jesus Encounter at the end of the month and am awed even now at what could transpire there. God is awesome! He has made a wonderful little city here, with a church and community that I feel would embrace my broken-hearted sister and wrap her in the arms of love she so desperately desires. My prayer is that Jesus himself would profoundly touch her heart and open it to saving faith through Him. I am reminded of my own long journey and it gives me sustained hope for her as well. She is a beautiful and precious gift to me, and I truly praise God for her. Lord, would you continue to give me the right words to speak and the softened heart to love. Would your Spirit rest upon me and fill me up to do your will. May your kingdom come and expand, as you gently call your lost sheep home and warmly embrace each prodigal son that returns to You. Praise and glory be to your name forever and ever. Amen.

"No one can come to me unless the Father who sent me draws him, and I will raise him up at the last day." - John 6:44

This makes me want to learn the art of spoken word. it's where power + passion + Truth collide

End of 1 Timothy

I finished the sermon series on 1 Timothy today. That was a great book. Gosh, I have notes written all over my Bible, reminding me that I will need to go back numerous times to refresh my memory and pray through this book again and again. I don't think I've actually critically read this book all the way through before, so it kind of feels good. Like I accomplished something. But then I realize I got to put this stuff into practice and wrestle with it my whole life! I like it, though. I love to read the Truth and have God point out what new areas of my life I can put my energies into changing. Well, letting Him into change that is. The Bible should never bore a person. It should always fascinate and awe them. It's written in such a way that we (if we're honest) are just laid bare before Him and we have a decision to make. Will we agree with God and change our minds (renew them, Paul would say) about things, about life, about the world, about ourselves? Or will we harden up because we don't want to admit that He's got some pretty serious and heavy things to talk to us about?

I was reminded of some things in this last chapter of 1 Timothy
- Theology and doctrine actually DO MATTER. They form, after all, the framework in which a Christian's life operates. Paul wants Timothy to pay close attention to false doctrines, to be careful of this and cling to the Truth of Jesus Christ above all else. There are dangerous effects of teaching false doctrines. He uses the word sound, or "healthy" instruction to describe the teaching he is to provide at the church of Ephesus. I think that is one thing I will always admire about Christ's church at Mars Hill. They deeply value the way one thinks, perceives, understands and talks about God. They care about theology. Because they know it may begin in the mind, but it unavoidably leaks out into all of life.
- God desires worshipers more than innovators. As humble servants, we should delight in thinking God's thoughts after Him rather than busy ourselves coming up with our own unique angles or perspectives. We are called to think in God's way, rather than the way of the world. Let us pray He would open our minds to understand just what that even means.
- $ is the loudspeaker that plays the tune of your heart. You will either use money or use God and people. Let us be the kind of people who use money to demonstrate our love for God and people rather than use people to obtain more money.
- We run away from something (sin) but more than that we run to something else (righteousness, godliness, faith, love, endurance, gentleness).
- For Timothy it was: don't be lazy, don't be a heretic, be content, don't be greedy (v.1-10) What is it for you and me?
- Who do we honor when we make decisions? Is it God? Is it some person or ourselves?
- God is a good Father who gives us commands for our own good. Like "be willing to share" and "guard what has been entrusted to you"
- He also gives us the means by which to do this: GRACE be with you.

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/1-timothy