You remember me before I learned to run
At the kissing tree before I learned my guns
We were seventeen, seventeen years young
I am still running, I am still running

I had no idea the pain would be this strong
I had no idea the fight would last this long
In my darkest fears rights become the wrongs
I am still running, I am still running
I am still running, I am still running

Build me a home inside your scars
Build me a home inside your song
Build me a home inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong

I am still running, I am still running
I am still running, I am still running

Build me a home inside your scars
Build me a home inside your song
Build me a home inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong
The only place I ever will belong
Inside your open arms
The only place I ever will belong

This part of the song always reminds me of Jesus. And afer hearing the sermon about his experience in his hometown of Nazareth, where his probable longing for home was not only unsatisfying, but likely quite devastating to him, I am so grateful for his offer of home (belonging) to us nonetheless. He never experienced this lasting sense of security and peace amongst a group of people on earth who intimitely knew and "got" him... what we could each call our christian "community". The Underground is rich in these small groups of committed individuals who truly know each other and have undoubtedly forged relationships through times of great trial and joy. The disciples should have been those people for Jesus, but they were clueless and in the end would desert their Master. It is not just a shame, but a tragedy that Jesus went through his ministry constantly pouring himself out on behalf of the poor, lost and needy devoid of support by anyone. Of course he was still intimitely connected to the Father and Spirit, but there is also something powerful and life-giving about a community that is there for you to listen and if nothing else to say, "I understand". His disciples could not even stay up one hour, the time of his most distress, to pray for him llike he asked. Even I have a handful of people I know who would do that if I requested it. But our Savior did not have this. How is that possible? How does that not break our heart?

Humanity failed God. Humans have an incredible capacity to disappoint him over and over again. But that doesn't hinder him from extending love to us anyway. Jesus didn't need human community, but it would have been such an encouragement to him, don't you think? One way that he shows us his great love for us is by giving us the chance to say, "Build me a home inside your scars," as he died on the cross for us and has the scars to prove it. "Build me a home inside your song," the artful lyrics that were his sermons and the song of worship that was his perfect life. "Build me a home inside your open arms," the place where we all as estranged sons and daughters longed to be... and where we as adopted children can now rest in the wonderful embrace of our Father. We owe it all to the Lamb, who willingly sacrificed more than we can imagine, and whose Kingdom, which even now is being built, is "the only place I (we) ever will belong."

Mark 6:1-6

Longing for home, inconsolable secret. Weight of Glory.
Like remembering something that has never happened to us - that is this deep longing in us
The scent of a flower we have not found, news from a country we have not yet visited
It is like this moment in Nazareth for Jesus
Hunger doesn't prove we have food, but does prove that come from a people that was made to eat, supposed to replenish ourselves through eating
What about our hunger for "home" this place of belonging? Does not mean we have it or will find it in this life. But does prove it exists and that we were made for it
We all know what it feels like to be homeless in our soul. It unites us as a people
Tampa/Underground is like this sense of home for some people; Jesus never had this. That amazes and moves me deeply about this part of Jesus' humanity. It puts so much in perspective and makes me love and admire my Savior all the more
Glory - people long for this. 1) fame - to be known 2) honor - to be seen as gift & celebrated 3) approval of someone as they are 4) praise - to be acknowledged for how we have done well
Bible teaches we will be glorified in His presence
It is not a wrong desire, but a good and holy desire
We look for it in the wrong place, fame and praise from each other in this life rather than God saying "I know you"
Specific pleasure of the inferior (we are less than God) We try to make ourselves equal to everyone that we don't experience the pleasure of our superior telling us we have done well
This kind of home does not make you prideful but humble. Small but significant
Nazareth is self-loathing, condemning themselves (Jesus & his abilities could not come from there. Nothing good can come from there, that's what they believe about themselves) We also believe lies others say about us
They try to insult Jesus, but just end up revealing their flawed thoughts about God and themselves. Low regard for themselves and the ordinary. Nobody believes that a prophet of God could come from there. We overestimate our sinfulness; creates a world in which you hear no one speak to you with God's voice. No one is good enough to challenge you. Prophet's message is always change and repentance. Can't hear it from people closest to us
Jesus' love - he chooses them first, wants them to follow Him first and they can't believe it (The Spirit of the Lord is upon me to preach good news to the poor)
God will always station a prophet in our lives, He wants to speak to us; we should treasure the voice of God
God even uses non-Christians, biblical and historical. He does not use perfect people, they do not exist
We've been so closed that we stop hearing and the prophets stop saying because fear of rejection. Eerie silence results. Greatest truth teller is stationed right next to us (ie: spouses)
God uses sinners in each others lives. Especially those in our inner circle
Surrounded by remarkable people, are you listening? Depositories of God inside them (in our families, house churches)
We will someday be glorious creatures that if you saw them now you'd be tempted to worship them
or be horrified by the other possibility - immortal horrors destined for hell
You have never talked to a mere mortal
Nature is mortal and we shall outlive her
One day we will stand before the presence of God and we won't break apart (like Isaiah being undone) and we will be examined. We won't just survive, but will pass because He sees his Son Jesus
He will know, honor, approve and praise each of us and we will dance unashamed and not scorned
Life is like middle school
One day in heaven, self-consciousness will leave us and we will be clothed in the righteousness of Jesus
"At present, we are on the outside of the world, the wrong side of the door... we cannot mingle with the splendors we see... but someday it will not always be so. Next to the blessed sacrament itself, your neighbor is the holiest object presented to your senses, and if he or she is your Christian neighbor they are holy in the same way this is holy because in him is also Christ truly hidden."
The glorifier and the glorified. Ordinary bread but in it Christ is hidden. So it is with you.
Let us make homes for people. Know, affirm and glorify some people. Breathe in them and be a prophet.

One of my favorite sermons

Going from one side to the other side of the Sea of Galilee. Tension between two coastlines, two worlds. Gentiles and Jewish side. Jesus has come to reconcile.
In the middle of the sea, He is most peaceful, restful, sleeping
Jairus's daughter is dying, Bleeding woman is healed. Latter woman's need seems to be more important to Jesus so He stops what he is doing (going to a dying young girl, pressing need there) to address hers. And because of his action, the young girl does die. Cynical person would be upset and outraged
man vs woman, clean vs unclean, synagogue ruler vs outcast from synagogue, honor vs shame, rich vs poor, entourage vs alone, comes as an equal vs reaching for beggar's portion, face-to-face vs from behind, loved by community vs rejected by community
Who should come first?
God in becoming man is now limited, he cannot do everything or be everywhere now
Shows us how to be human and finite, how to prioritize our lives
Jesus had to make a choice here and he chooses the bleeding woman. So counter-cultural and shocking
Camara and homeless woman during interview for IV cohort program
Pre-existing bias revealed when needs of two groups come into conflict.
Jesus loved the rich and powerful (healed, responded to their needs), but they do not come before the poor. They come second. Jesus loves both girls, but there is a preference.
Do our lives reflect this kind of preference?
Shatters every social convention we know. Not to be trifled with, but redefining to its core.
Jesus is not in a hurry, but we often are. He is not self-important, but we are.
Divinity students and needy person on the way; only 40% of them actually stopped & did not matter if they were talking about career opportunities or Good Samaritan passage. 10% stopped to help when they were told they were already late. Discard our ethics, less Christian then. Stopping to say "Are you ok? or letting someone closeby know counted. 9/10 did nothing b/c thought they were in a hurry. Like somehow integrity is a luxury which we lose when we are in a hurry.
We are comfortable with a big ego and a small God. We are uncomfortable with a big God and a small ego.
Ironically, the greatest man who ever lived was less self-important than we are. Had a bigger view of God than we do. He had time for this woman. Refuses to accept the hurried view even
Jesus was often busy, but never hurried.
Do you take time for the outcast in your life? Make this the litmus test for your spirituality. Slowed down and take care of the person with the least prominence. If we measured our communities like this, how would we look?
Juxtiposition: Jesus sees two daughters; not a rich man's daughter and a worthless woman. First one under the provision of father for 12 years and only knows sickness now. And even now has a father going to plead for her healing. Bleeding woman (12 years) is fatherless, under care of uncaring men, no one to plead her case. Her life was defined by men who were supposed to care causing her only more suffering and poverty.
There are two daughters in this passage loved by a Father.
Jesus prefers the one who has no one to care for them.
"The last shall be first, and the least shall be greatest in my kingdom."
Jesus asked who touched him and woman is gripped with fear; she assumes another man is coming after her.
Filled with regret, exposure, shame, embarrassment - like text message sent to wrong person
But Jesus doesn't leave her in that state. Jesus sees that her suffering is so much deeper than her illness. Wants to heal her whole person. She is last, he wants to make her first. She has been last for 12 years and in danger of believing she belongs there. Jesus wants to break this lie.
Her suffering is total - mind, body, soul. He cannot leave her there. God favors the weak, broken, poor
The degree to which you see yourself as broken, in need, with a poverty of spirit is the degree to which you will experience Jesus and his grace in your life.
We prioritize the poor, the needy, the margins. They are central, not peripheral. Though we care for all people, the weakest and most vulnerable are the church's priority.
Those from broken backgrounds, families - You have not been abandoned by God. He knows your name, You are His. Especially His.
Jesus still goes to the dying daughter (middle class, raised Christian, stable home, us with an entitlement problem) and fulfills his commitment to her father. It is good for us to be second for a change, it's God loving us. You can wait on your sister. Like with the prodigal son. It is right for us to celebrate and for you to watch
Accomplishes something along the way, destroys the social code that placed needs of girl above poverty and shame of the woman. He sees more than we see. On his way, he is going to readjust the system that allows the woman to be left alone for 12 years. Refuses to play by its rules. Flips the world upside down. Prefers the poor, but does not forget the rich. Good news for Westerners.
If Jairus had heart of God, he would have rejoiced at the healing of this woman before his daughter. Different economy of the Kingdom
We need to step into the middle of the sea with Jesus, living between the two worlds. "If this is your heart, then it will also be my heart." Choose the weaker, needier person. Step into that third way of Jesus
Little girl - represents Israel and older brother in prodigal story. Jesus lets her die, just like the system, so that He can resurrect a new one. Death of temple, law, ceremonial system. Replace with his Spirit. Rise again with Him. Prominence does not count. People are equalized by their need and by touching Jesus. No more rules or hierarchy. "You are all mine." Let Jesus re-orient your view of the world. Imagine if a whole church did this. Pissing off entitled people and welcoming in the poor and outcast. Ought to look strange to onlookers. Beg the question from them, "Who are they?"

Preaching, Teaching & Storytelling Presentations

I'm glad I went to this final class, where multiple people got up and gave it their best shot at preaching a meaningful message. I must say, Underground peeps CAN PREACH. Definitely enjoyed the night, and learned so much more than I would merely listening to a lecture on the topic of preaching. Way to put the principles and teaching of Brian into practice. Makes me wonder if I could ever really do that... for now, though, I think I'll stay behind my writing of words on a page... Even though sermons and spoken words are powerful, I don't agree that they are superior or innately better than any other form of communication. Just as men and women complement each other and equally reveal a unique part of God's nature, so too do the gifts of the spoken and written Word.