Part 3 – John the Baptizer, The Gospel of John

Thoughts after listening to Mark Driscoll's sermon:

http://www.marshillchurch.org/media/the-gospel-of-john/john-the-baptizer

Greatest man that ever lived? Perhaps it was because of his tremendous courage and humility. He came entirely as a prophet and pointer to Jesus. He was not even allowed to live for more than a year to do his ministry of calling people to repentance and preparation to encounter their Savior. He knew this purpose so clearly and accepted it so willingly. Somehow a short life like his made a lasting mark. At one time, he had even become more popular than Jesus. But when it came time for his death, it’s like he knew exactly why it had to be that way. I can imagine a kind of peace he must have felt for not wasting a moment of his time or life on something less than challenging people to seek cleansing and forgiveness for their guilt, sin and shame. He knew he was only a voice, not a person of fame or importance. Jesus was all that mattered. His life was a dedicated and surrendered one to God. I am thankful to God for having selected someone like John to be his spokesperson and objector to the authorities of his day. He came with such a simple, yet powerful message and proclaimed it without holding back. He did not care what people thought about him, his appearance or his personality. But it was not a proud, sure of himself indifference. It was that John knew the Christ had come, that his cousin was the Messiah and the only person in the world who could bring lasting healing, forgiveness and restoration of his people was Jesus. That knowledge propelled his action and his boldness. I want the same kind of unshakeable faith and daring. I think about my own future and the many years to come, wondering what on earth I will do for the sake of Jesus. How I can leave a mark, however small, on the people I encounter. Reading about John’s life intensifies my own longing for a life well lived. For a life totally and uncompromisingly focused on Jesus, pointing to him as the only reason worth living at all. That in him, true life is not only possible but everlasting. Less than a year in public ministry, baptizing all who came to him for repentance, and then what? A life cut short by unjust execution. Yet he was fearless and unmoved. What an incredible way to set up the coming of Jesus. How can we serve like John did? Where does God want us to proclaim his Son’s name? How does he want to use our lives for his glory? John the Baptizer lived a simple life that was looked at by others as extreme and crazy. He wasn’t like anybody else, and he didn’t care to be. I can kinda get that. When God speaks into your life and sets you apart from the rest because he wants to use you for a particular reason, it really does not matter at all what that life may look like from the outside. What others think about you, your lifestyle, your career, your opinions become nonissues. Those who are Christians have been equipped with the Word of God and the Spirit of the Lord to carry out an immeasurable amount of work for the sake of Jesus. John did so by screaming at the top of his lungs, “Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is near” and having people confess their sins and prepare their hearts for Jesus. What is it that we will cry out in the midst of people? How is it that we will make others uncomfortable without being self-righteously condemning? I think this story of an unusual man with an unprecedented message can shed light on our own lives and mission. Do you want to make a sacrifice for the sake of God’s kingdom and the lost of this world? I do. I want to do as John did in giving up my life for that purpose, making my whole life about that calling and nothing else. Maybe as a “pastor’s kid” John was prepped and destined for his job. His parents did equip him with knowledge of the Scriptures and a sincere heart that loved God. They must have did all they could to ensure his devotion to the Lord, considering their encounter with the angel who foretold John’s special birth and purpose. I didn’t have those kinds of parents and I didn’t have that type of upbringing. And now as a college student I am always asking the question, “God, what do you want for me?” I could follow the temptation to seek only what it is that I want for me, but my stronger desire is to know what He has already predestined this life of mine to be, and then to start walking in that new path alongside Jesus. I still have no idea what these degrees will amount to, or whether God is laughing at my futile efforts to accomplish something. But to be honest, I don’t know what alternative there is, especially in the American system. At least back then, the job of prophet was known and expected. Even after 400 years of no prophet coming, John’s emergence was seen by many as a fulfillment of history. But in the U.S., how is it that we Christians should seek to serve Jesus? I often wonder, what is the best way? Do we just subscribe to the current economic and political system, trying to find small crevices that we can seep into for possible change and renewal? I get the whole humble and just-one-step-at-a-time methodology but when I read John’s story I see historical evidence for something much, much greater. Perhaps he is an anomaly, a once in a very many centuries kind of person. But could you imagine the wakeup call for an entire world if little John the Baptizers emerged all over the place. I think there are a great many out there already, but I dream of a Christianity that ignites its followers with the same spark that fueled the life of John so dramatically and inextinguishably. Could it really become the norm that God’s people would call out for the repentance of mankind without being timid or heartlessly condemning? There are so many people ready to hear Jesus’ message if only speakers would rise up and open their mouths, knowing their own smallness, sinfulness and depravity yet trusting completely in the grace and truth of God the Father, Son and Spirit. A person like my sister is ready to hear the message of good news and salvation, of healing and restored dignity, of washing away of sin and adoption into God’s eternal family. Oh, how my heart aches for my family and friends to know the power and love of Jesus Christ. But how will they ever be reached if my mouth remains closed and God’s transforming message remains hidden. Thanks be to God for a man like John the Baptizer! Thank you, Lord, for showing me the lives of great men who knew that it was not they who were great but you alone. Help me to walk in that kind of humility not just in moments where I may face recognition, but in every kind of confrontation and experience. I plead for more of your Holy Spirit to speak into my heart and mind, to teach me through your Word and to equip me with the tools I will undoubtedly need in the future. Remind me of my deep need for you in my life, Jesus. Open up paths for me to share this amazing hope I have in you.Forgive me for the ways I have fallen short and sinned. Baptize me again with your refining fire that allows true cleansing and new life. Squash this pride that wells up in me so that I too may genuinely declare that I am unworthy to untie the sandals of my Lord. May all praise and glory reside in you, Jesus. I write this from a meager, broken heart to the one pure and holy Love.

As simple as a conversation

I am constantly amazed at the ways that God seeps into my life, speaks into it. Speaks through others. Like today. I went to the library after work to study one of my least favorite subjects at the moment: ecology. But it was bearable because I got the chance to spend some time with a friend of mine I haven’t hung out with in over a year. This particular friend has been on my heart for awhile and I was overjoyed at the start of this semester when I found out that he would be in my class. Infrequently, thoughts will come across my mind about an old friend who I regrettably did not take the chance to get to know better or have relevant, meaningful conversations with. I think about my first couple years at college when I was still a seeker, not yet a Christian, and the friendships I had made. How those relationships could have been different. How, if only I knew Jesus then, I could have shared something special with Mike, who’s now off graduated and attending some law school or his roommate Mark who’s God knows where now. Those relationships sprouted up and died almost as in a flash it seems. But I thank God for his sovereign nature and his open ears. For the fact that I can trust Him to reach those I foolishly let slip by then and for listening to my continuous prayers for them even now.

I’m reminded of a verse from last night’s Common Ground, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do” – Ephesians 2:10 and the comment Clayton made about how God works in our lives. He is not only working on us from the inside, but from the outside as well, through every aspect and avenue and situation of our lives. Most of the time we are not cognizant of it, but he is nonetheless there. God really is the great weaver of this enormous tapestry we call Life. Every day, a new thread is added, every day a new part of us and his divine personality is revealed. If only we would see it….

I have been contemplating all sorts of things lately, like I usually do. It’s like my mind never stops. Not for a moment. Danilo is the same way. And I love it! I saw another facet of Jesus’ omnipotence today. Jeremy has said before: “Jesus is Lord over all our lives. He is King of our finances, our places of employment, our families, our education. Today I realized just how much control he can have over my schooling and classes if only I’d let him. God gives us so many opportunities and circumstances to use for his glory and good news. As I sat there with Danilo, talking, laughing, sharing perspectives about matters like business, money, religion, tolerance, intolerance, ingrained institutions, emerging technologies, food and energy…..I realized the great similarities and dissimilarities between the two of us. I laughed at his suggestion that all people are good, contesting that instead we (complete with a hand gesture indicting the whole library) are not only bad, but actually inherently evil. His skeptical look invited further explanation and discussion, yet we both knew that would have to be postponed for another time. We have a lot to talk about. And I see Jesus using this occasion to study ecology as just such a mechanism. I love how we talked more about things like the ignorance of white, Midwestern Americans and the supposed existence of aliens than questions like “How does scale affect the study of ecology?” or “How is evolution important in ecological change?”

Jesus just shows up wherever he wants to. I think that’s flipping hilarious and awesome. I also like how he can even talk through nonbelievers sometimes. I swear, when Danilo was voicing his concerns about the future of America and his own personal investigation into various religions, he said and asked so many questions that could be answered and understood through the lens of Jesus himself. I’m really happy to see him thinking critically about the complex issues and systems that plague this world. I’m even more ecstatic that he admits to being a dreamer and closet idealist. Whoo-hoo! A partner in crime! I dream every day of a world that is just and mended from its rampant brokenness. I fanaticize relentlessly of a world where the way things “should be and should always have been” becomes a beautiful reality. Where the idealists of every nation not only look at the problems and unmaterialized solutions, but dream, obsess, crave even, through their own innovation and ingenuity, a way to challenge the inequality of the status quo. Not only that, though. Because if that were the end we had in mind, some kind of humanistic salvation, we are truly doomed forever.

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive in Christ even when we were dead in transgressions – it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus.” – Ephesians 2:4-5.

We not only need idealists with hopes and dreams for a better tomorrow, we need aspiring influencers who have been touched by the hand of God and who share their intimate knowledge of him with others. Who do not just critique the world around them, but offer insights into its restoration. The love and grace and kindness of Jesus finding real, tangible, alive expression through his people is my persistent hope and dream….and it can all start with something as simple as a conversation.

Slowing Down to Take a Breath

Ok, that's it. You officially have my attention. I'm all ears. I am exhausted and overwhelmed and feeling too frustrated and miserable to fight it any longer. Why do I keep resisting anyway? What the heck is wrong with me?!??!! God, I'd really like to know. It's the same gosh dang words out of my mouth over and over and over again. Time is my enemy, management is my tragic flaw. When was it that I decided I could handle everything on my own? I am laughing right now at this whole situation. Irony never escapes me, and if it tried to, I'd chase it for miles. I'm realizing just now to let go. Isn't that stupid? Could I be any slower? My mind IS filled up with nonsense. With pointless worries. What happened to the Jessica that said "good riddens!" to worries? I can actually remember the kind of peace I felt before. Is it really this time of year that has such an effect on me? I know all motivation and shread of concern checked out of the building weeks if not months ago. But why? I cannot be left alone with myself; this is entirely distressing. Being perpetually distressed and distraught is so draining! And ridiculous! Why can't I just chill? I thought I could. But no, always thinking, always worrying about something. Please, someone, press my STOP button! God, I do need a breath, a moment to slow the frick down. I feel as if I've been running an endless marathon without so much as a sip of water. It's like I've reached the 5 mi marker and totally forgotten why I'm even running or how long the race is.

It has seriously gotten to that point. Like I vented to Jeremy last week, "Why am I even here?!" Becoming a college student made perfect sense four years ago, when I actually cared about my education, loved academia, adored my teachers, and dreamed about the abstract future full of possibilities. Now what? I wish I could still attest to those feelings of contentment and joy even in the midst of constant assignments, papers, exams, the usual. Somewhere along the way I've lost that sense of joy, that love of learning....even for learning's sake. Maybe that's just the nature of things. High school is fun, relatively low-stress and college is a major pain in the ass. I don't mean all of the collegiate experience, just the whole going to class and figuring out why the F you're even there part. I remember being excited about biology. About science in general. About writing and reading. Call me a nerd, but I loved it all. I was interested in everything. I wanted to know everything there was to know, to learn everything I could possibly learn. And I was excited about it. Seemingly prepared for it, even. But now? Where is that passion and drive? I think the best term to describe my present feelings about college is "apathetically trapped". I don't want to be here anymore, and yet two years of unfinished classes have my hands tied. I feel like a prisoner of the university, and the worst part is I don't even care anymore. I don't know how to get freed from it, and even if I did where else would I go? God, how I miss being a lively rebel with a vision (albeit a little misguided)....

But you know what? Jesus has this way of stamping out pessimistic attitudes such as these. Attitudes I shamefully cannot shake off no matter how hard I try. Maybe that is the problem. I am trying to do this all by myself. I just cannot bring myself to relinquish that control, or sense of control as it were. But thank God for those people in my life who are calling me out on this. Who are acknowledging my independent will, while at the same time reminding me to consider His will. And I think that's where I get lost. I seem to repeatedly follow my own, allowing distractions and excuses to block his voice from reaching my ears. Man, I thought 17-year-old was annoying. He cannot compare to the way I drive myself nuts with all this fickle triviality! Jesus, save me from myself. Again. Please.

"let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience"

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess for he who promised is faithful."

"And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds."

"but let us encourage one another"

Lord, let this be my prayer to you. That my heart would be honest, raw, true, genuine, pure and sincere as I approach you. Withholding nothing. Strenghten this weak faith of mine, Jesus, as I feel the ground slipping out from under me. Ground I thought was perfectly solid and safe. Convict this heart of mine once again, so that I would persevere through in your name and never falter, for I know you are with me always. You are my complete hope and joy; you give me purpose and eternal happiness. Forgive me for ever doubting your constant love and provision. I've been such a fool....Father, lift me up yet another time. God, why do I keep falling? And how can you continue smiling even as I mess up and fail? You truly are amazing in every way imaginable and unimaginable. I'd be so lucky to love someone the way you love me. Thank you, Jesus.

"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross"

"so that you will not grow weary and lose heart."

"because the Lord disciplines those he loves"

"God disciplines us for our own good, that we may share in his holiness"

"it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it."

Jesus, how you blow me away! For the JOY set before you, you endured the CROSS! God, your love is of a depth I could never reach, of a kind I could never quite grasp. How I am humbled by your Word, your sacrifice. And embarrassed by my own empty ones. Lord, you are my favorite author, there is no one to match you in all of space and time! How I wish my eyes would never stray from yours, Jesus. You are so beautiful, I am left blinded and awed. I can feel my weariness and weakness melt away in your presence. You are all I need. I praise you for who you are God, for teaching me even when I refuse to listen. For pursuing me and blessing my life in ways I am witnessing even now. Jesus, if pain and patience is what I need to be perfected as your disciple, so be it. My soul aches to share in life that is truly Life. To suffer, die, and resurrect along side of you, holy and righteous King! Amen.

Where Dreaming Meets Waking

Waking up in a pool of sweat once again
Mind completely alert and somewhat dazed
As eyes blink from dream world to real
Consciousness’s return ushered by
The torso’s upright jerk and single bewildering thought
Lingering from that now faded and forgotten dream,
“Importance of having a partner”
…….what??
Inclination’s habit to disregard the sleeping mind
Collides with personality’s obsession to draw
Connections and find meaning
What is with coincidence lately?
In Hearing God, I read of dreams and visions as from you
In Lame Deer, indigenous beliefs are eerily similar
In Life After Church just the other day, at a time when
I felt particularly overwhelmed and overcrowded
Desire to withdraw strengthened once more
Only to be met with these lines:
In community you depend on, are challenged by and receive from God
In a way you can’t anywhere else. It’s an avenue of grace for us;
Don’t block that avenue by failing to pursue community.
Indeed, He knows all your thoughts and your reasons for doing things
And doesn’t seem to hide this insider’s knowledge
Perhaps the forty minutes of apologetics debating
That guided this drifter into coma land
Has some explaining
Or maybe this elusive essay that preoccupies the mind
Bears insight into that phrase in line seven
Not even an hour since waking, phone ringing
Another small crush placed under the lighting
Seriously??
1. of all days, today?
2. of all people, this one?
If I didn’t know any better

Or that you were undoubtedly all good
I’d say this is an unfunny bad joke on your part
What happened to the days of carefree contentment?
Of singleness and almost feministic freedom?
Why?
Why the change?
Why these circumstance?
You, my friend, have so much explaining
And these furrowed eyebrows of mine,
These uneasy laughs need some relief
I know my ears can be hard of hearing
My eyes lost their competency long ago
This idea of patience won’t die
And I’m at a loss for what to do, what to think anymore
But I’m open and I’m asking
And I’ll be waiting
Waiting…
Waiting…

Pretenses Exposed

Let me be honest with you. I am thoroughly bewildered and shocked as I stand here with my arrogance completely knocked. God, you floor me. Every. time. I am baffled by the ways you choose to tear down my poor-built walls and altogether absurd attempts to shut you out from this wreck of a shack I'd prefer to call home. God, again, you amaze me. Every. time. I'd really like to know what a face-to-face conversation would be like with you. Because to see the invisible workings being done in my life would flat out PALE in comparison to meeting you, hearing you from only centimeters away. Lord, I dream of that day often. God, I desire so BADLY to know what is inside that spotless mind of yours. For then I might recognize what is lacking in mine. And Lord you know that there are more sharp edges in a circle than there are coherent synapsies in my brain. God, you inspire me. Every. time.

God, where I am the blatant contradiction, you alone are the enigmatic paradox, the fleeting thought JUST beyond the grasp of our minds; that dropped pen cap on the floor JUST outside the reach of our sneaker. Sometimes I'll think about you as if you were a crossword puzzle to be filled in with compatible answers coalescing from multiple directions....41 across matching 22 down.....like if you didn't make complete, albeit rather artificial, sense to me at all times or at least in times I most needed to comprehend, all bets were off. But man, do you slap those foolish thoughts clear outta my head. God, you make sense out of me. Every. time. You give me inspiration in the shower; upon waking I feel empowered. My faith refreshed anew, my identity rooted, hidden in you. Jesus, you define me. Every. time.

You know what I find so incredible? Prolonged fortitude in this fight. Where my thoughts tend to wander, where the driver of this unreliable mind steers off course, you generously bestow strength, restore sight, and straighten twisted paths of fatal distraction. I don't know what to make of this unconditional love. My own capabilities once played the standard, and boy were they quite the actors. Suggesting the truth while concealing it. God, you are just so gracious. So unbelievably patient with my stubborn, strong-willed ignorance. Negligence. Obstinance. Illusory independence. Oh Jesus, how you awe me. Every. time. Longing of my heart to know, to be shown in perfect clarity is checked almost daily. Preparing, preparing, preparing. Flustered by the no end in sight, you have this way of turning me upright. Unblurring my vision I didn't even know needed correction. Your Spirit is my eternal set of contact lenses, adjusting once more the focus of this lamp of the body. A body that has been aching for fullness of light. For that plug to be snapped back in, and BOOM spontaneous unleashing of energy. Lamp aglow, life turned on! Holy Spirit, you illuminate and animate me. Every. time.

Once more, God, you revive me. Rescued and saved, my life has never been the same. You've exposed these pretenses of mine and burned them alive inside of me. Swept the ashes away with a single, gentle touch. Replaced them with your own unextinguishable fire, and Jesus, you'd think that'd be enough. But what an incomplete thought to say there is no complementary part desired from me. Lord, you set my heart ablaze, trusting I can keep it tenable in your name. I may be the pages you fill with words, but that is not all. I am a puppet made real. Curiously passive when written with meaning, yet fully active when strings are loosened and cut, when freedom is no longer held captive, locked up. God, how you liberate this self-conflicted soul of mine. Every. time. Jesus, if you are the inhaling breath, the author of life, let me be your exhale and a chapter in your unfolding narrative. I want to talk to you with such unconscious ease, as if our constant dialogue were synonymous to my heart's beat. The aroma of Christ and the fragrance of life I could not fathom such an honor bestowed upon me. Lord, your river of relevant metaphors leaves me soaked with stupefaction. I am drowned in your love and dried with your grace just about Every. single. time.

Daily Reminders

Wow, I feel like I haven't written anything in ages. This is crazy. I blame piles of undone homework and a shamefully lazy attitude. Hopefully that will change, and very soon. So many thoughts zooming around inside my head just waiting to settle down sensibly and coherently. Overdue thoughts and words waiting to be expressed. Well, let me share a little something that made me smile today. It is only one small example of what I consider to be God's daily reminders to me. As if he is cleverly and secretly masking himself in what the naked, skeptical eye would readily write off as mere coincidence. This morning at work I had nothing better to do than watch music videos on youtube. The first one I viewed was Jimmy Needham's Dearly Loved video that I found posted on Facebook's iLike since yesterday I was talking to some people about going to see him perform this Saturday and he was the first artist to come to mind. Anyhow, here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tzn7Y-pco5E

I didn't think much of it. I liked the video. Great song, good pictures, nice quotes. Then, later that day after classes and such, I was studying in the Marshall Center around 6. I hear my name, look behind me to see Danielle and Carol preparing for Bible study. They are cutting out little business-sized cards with a verse on it.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." -Romans 8:38-39

Same one from the very beginning of the video....

Now, of course that could be sheer chance. I mean, why not? And it could also be completely random that at coaching today, Michelle and I just happened to pick out Genesis 1 to discuss with Jeremy only an hour before. Or maybe it is something else. I feel like He is reminding me of the special place he has in his heart for the men and women of this earth. That in spite of all my inadequacies and failures and doubting, He lifts me up, brushes me off, and says, "Honey, I'm right here. Right beside you, and nobody is gonna move me."

Seriously, it's stuff like that, seemingly pointless instances like that, which keep me in touch with Him on a day to day basis. And I would be inclined to dismiss it as "huh, that was kind of weird..." if it occurred infrequently. But, every other day?? Really? Something tells me there's more going on here. Perhaps if I pay closer attention I might deciper what it is He'd like to show or tell me. Or what He's been trying to reveal this whole time....