It's cool how my younger brother continues to randomly call me just to check in. He's so much better at this staying connected thing. I really think it is the grace and work of God somehow in this re-blossoming relationship. I'm thankful to be able to share the latest developments in my life with him, even if he doesn't always appreciate or understand them. I know he gets bored down there and I'm glad to hear that he can't wait to leave. Nothing against that town, I just would like him up here with me. There is something special about proximity and face to face interaction with people. I long for that with him again. We have both changed in a lot of ways and I know that God is slowly weaving our lives back together. It's wonderful.
It was interesting when he asked me if I've ever been drunk and kept wanting me to elaborate upon the circumstances in which I found myself in that rather unfortunate state of existence. I like how he agreed that it is a terrible thing, but that he was happy, in a way, to find out I was not "perfect". Ha! He is so hilarious. Thinking that being a Christian somehow transforms you into a perfect little angel who never goes astray. I forget the perspective of a secular audience looking at the life of a believer sometimes. This was a good reminder. It also made me laugh when he asked, "so, when did you get all overly spiritual" to which I replied "I don't really like the term 'spiritual'. Haha. To which he responded, "so you don't like the term 'spiritual'. And you don't like to be called 'religious'. What do you want to be called?" I really could think of no other descriptor than simply "Jesus follower". But in his mind, I am one of those Jesus Freaks. LOL. That label doesn't sound as bad to me as it once did. I'm not ashamed to always be bringing up Jesus at some point or another in virtually every conversation I have with my brother. And if that is his biggest complaint or annoyance with me, then PRAISE GOD!! It's cool that he isn't all too bothered by me talking so openly about Jesus. In fact, he always gets a little inquisitive and has tons of questions about God and the Bible and such.
Like tonight, little did I know that I'd have to become some sort of Christian apologist. No Ravi Zacharias, but I was thankful for some mental and theological shaping that has come from that great man's highly intellectual apologetic talks. It's interesting, because I feel as though my younger brother is at a stage in his life that I was at when I first entered college. Super scientific, philosophical, rational and intellectual. God as concept rather than God as person. I'm glad I got to share some of the insight Jesus has given me into the nature of God and the meaning of life with Him. My brother is stuck on questions about hell, who goes there, does it exist, what about babies? Isn't the bible just a bunch of stories written by mere men? Why, if God is all-knowing and all-powerful, did and does he choose to allow people like Hitler (who He knows will be evil and not put his faith in God) to even be born? What are my thoughts about predestination? Um, some of this stuff was hard to explain. Like, dinosaurs and creation? Adam and Eve, real people? What about evolution? Is he going to hell if he doesn't put his faith in Jesus? Um, yeah... I'm glad he didn't get offended by that. I imagine most people would. Is the world going to end soon? I have my own wonderings about that myself. But like I told him, there are many things we must leave up to God and accept as mystery. We cannot demand answers from Him or point our finger and judge the One who caused the whole cosmos to come into being. I'm glad he had a familiarity with the book of Job. That book is quite troublesome, though. Are we humans, like my brother imagines, simply here to be tested by God to see if we will choose Him and believe in Him? That angle of human existence seems a bit manipulative to me. My understanding of why God created us always returns to Genesis and how He lovingly chose to bring man and woman into being because we are unique from the rest of creation. I don't believe it is some megalomaniac motive, but the true nature of God that is repeatedly described as perfect Love. My brother and his perpetual "what if" questions. How very educated and reasonable of him? Hahaha. What if Jesus was crazy? What if Mary just slept around and lied about the vision? What if this, what if that? These are the questions of the unfaithful. I know, because I perpetually asked them at one point and allowed them to be obstacles to faith in Christ. There is just so much to this highly emphasized reality in Scripture that we call "faith". We desperately need God to open our eyes and ears to hear Him. To know Him. To be lured by his remarkable grace as shown through Jesus Christ. I want God to just rock my little brother's mind with all the wonders and glorious truths about Himself. To open up his mind to understand the actual truth and reality and meaning of life. To let him not be bogged down with questions like, "Well, do miracles even happen now like they did in the Bible?" or "What about the Prophets of the Old Testament?" But to meet him where he's at and pour out that incredible life-saving power of love and grace that so intoxicated me when I first met Jesus. Oh, how I long for Jesus to have his way with my family. Yet I am not so blind as to remain unaware of my part in it all. Shane Claiborne wrote a book called "Becoming the Answers to Our Prayers" (which I have still left unread on my bookshelf, collecting dust). I pray for my younger brother, for my older brother, for my sister, for my parents. I know God is listening and that he hears me because he has given me opportunities to open my mouth and speak on his behalf. Even if I stumble over the theological explanations or just have to admit that not everything is going to be plain to us, I sense the pleasure of God upon me. He has been gracious enough to give me a testimony to share and a passion to know him more and more everyday. I am glad I can confuse my brother and make him laugh by my low prioritization of finding a job and my incredible fascination with this Spiritual Leadership class instead. To the world, it makes little sense to take classes you don't need, especially if they are about God. The University especially pumps out this attitude and recruits followers. But I am grateful to have been called away from the snares of these deceptive and death-ensuing lies. There is a God who loves me, breathes life into me, sees me and holds me in his hand. This same God does so for every one who puts their trust, hope, faith, indeed entire life in his hands. I want that for you and I want that to be the lasting reality for me. My brother may be in an ambiguous point in his journey, not fully understanding God or even believing in his existence at this point. He has challenging questions and doubts that penetrate deep within his being. He does not know who or what is the truth yet. He may harbor some kind of anger or apprehension toward God, but I can rest with a sort of peace that is not possible apart from Jesus. I worry for him, but at the same time I am not worried because I know that the passionate pursuit of his Savior continues and grows more fierce. Jesus will not rest until he has gathered to Himself all who the Father has given Him. I know my brother can and will come to the Lord someday because as I listen to him speak and voice his concerns about God, it's like hearing the echo of my own words from the not too distant past. Jesus led me back to a relationship with the Father through a servant of his in a small, yet cozy Improv Theatre in Tampa. I wait in anticipation for the surprising and incredible way he gets another lost sheep back into his pasture. Praise be to you, O God, now and forever!
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