A Reflection

I was sitting in one of my roommate's rooms today, talking about our days and a potential new roommate we are both excited to have move in soon. In the midst of the discussion I brought up how I came to live in the house and how welcomed I felt by her. My roommate then said something rather touching to me. It was something like this: "I always wanted you to move in. Do you ever choose people? Like when you first meet someone and you are trying to feel them out. Well, I chose you." It was such a casual conversation but for some reason this response really struck me. I felt so..... touched. I really can't describe it any other way.

I have regrettably fallen out of the habit of self-contemplation and reflection, but tonight I wanted to dig a little deeper and perhaps uncover why this comment hit me so powerfully. I believe it stems from the similarity between what she said and what God says to us in his Word.

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last.

Sometimes I forget that simple truth. In my head I might think, "I chose to follow Jesus in college" or "I am not doing a very good job being a disciple right now," but this Scripture demonstrates a security we can feel, knowing that it is really Jesus who has chosen us and sent us out. He hasn't left us to be unpicked players in a game of soccer or flag football. I'm pretty sure we have all experienced the anxiety of standing amidst our fellow classmates (most of whom are more athletic or popular than ourselves) and worry about whether or not we will be picked last. The worst blow to ego a middle schooler could imagine, right? And it has undoubtedly happened once or twice. We don't get picked. We are last. We are shamed.

Maybe some part of me still feels a sense of insecurity or inadequacy among peers. I was never the popular, outgoing, social butterfly growing up. And who could be, considering my upbringing by two very misguided and negligent parents? I have seen the hand of God work miracles in this area of my life, however. Although I am still very much introverted, God really blessed me with great friends in college who brought out the more confident and social side of me. Many of these same friends are still part of my life now.

It's an amazing feeling to be wanted and to be sought out by someone. To be chosen is almost like being told, "You are so special to me." How I felt today in response to what my roommate said to me almost in passing is actually something we should feel each time we meditate on the beautiful truth that God chose us (even before we were ever born!). The Enemy can attack people in a number of ways. One way he attacks me is by feeding me lies about my true worth and value, not only in the eyes of God but in the eyes of other people. When I take the bait I become a more suspicious, critical and self-loathing person. And these kinds of lies used to bombard me a lot. They still do today, but fortunately I am better equipped to fight the lies with the Truth. I can better recognize the attacks, the condemning voices and the trap to reel me back in. And tonight Jesus has lovingly, gently, and quite artfully spoken those tender assurances again to my heart through the voice of a friend. He is still equipping me and building me up just when I need it. And even when I think I don't.

For this reason, and for so many more, I love Him dearly.