Pretenses Exposed

Let me be honest with you. I am thoroughly bewildered and shocked as I stand here with my arrogance completely knocked. God, you floor me. Every. time. I am baffled by the ways you choose to tear down my poor-built walls and altogether absurd attempts to shut you out from this wreck of a shack I'd prefer to call home. God, again, you amaze me. Every. time. I'd really like to know what a face-to-face conversation would be like with you. Because to see the invisible workings being done in my life would flat out PALE in comparison to meeting you, hearing you from only centimeters away. Lord, I dream of that day often. God, I desire so BADLY to know what is inside that spotless mind of yours. For then I might recognize what is lacking in mine. And Lord you know that there are more sharp edges in a circle than there are coherent synapsies in my brain. God, you inspire me. Every. time.

God, where I am the blatant contradiction, you alone are the enigmatic paradox, the fleeting thought JUST beyond the grasp of our minds; that dropped pen cap on the floor JUST outside the reach of our sneaker. Sometimes I'll think about you as if you were a crossword puzzle to be filled in with compatible answers coalescing from multiple directions....41 across matching 22 down.....like if you didn't make complete, albeit rather artificial, sense to me at all times or at least in times I most needed to comprehend, all bets were off. But man, do you slap those foolish thoughts clear outta my head. God, you make sense out of me. Every. time. You give me inspiration in the shower; upon waking I feel empowered. My faith refreshed anew, my identity rooted, hidden in you. Jesus, you define me. Every. time.

You know what I find so incredible? Prolonged fortitude in this fight. Where my thoughts tend to wander, where the driver of this unreliable mind steers off course, you generously bestow strength, restore sight, and straighten twisted paths of fatal distraction. I don't know what to make of this unconditional love. My own capabilities once played the standard, and boy were they quite the actors. Suggesting the truth while concealing it. God, you are just so gracious. So unbelievably patient with my stubborn, strong-willed ignorance. Negligence. Obstinance. Illusory independence. Oh Jesus, how you awe me. Every. time. Longing of my heart to know, to be shown in perfect clarity is checked almost daily. Preparing, preparing, preparing. Flustered by the no end in sight, you have this way of turning me upright. Unblurring my vision I didn't even know needed correction. Your Spirit is my eternal set of contact lenses, adjusting once more the focus of this lamp of the body. A body that has been aching for fullness of light. For that plug to be snapped back in, and BOOM spontaneous unleashing of energy. Lamp aglow, life turned on! Holy Spirit, you illuminate and animate me. Every. time.

Once more, God, you revive me. Rescued and saved, my life has never been the same. You've exposed these pretenses of mine and burned them alive inside of me. Swept the ashes away with a single, gentle touch. Replaced them with your own unextinguishable fire, and Jesus, you'd think that'd be enough. But what an incomplete thought to say there is no complementary part desired from me. Lord, you set my heart ablaze, trusting I can keep it tenable in your name. I may be the pages you fill with words, but that is not all. I am a puppet made real. Curiously passive when written with meaning, yet fully active when strings are loosened and cut, when freedom is no longer held captive, locked up. God, how you liberate this self-conflicted soul of mine. Every. time. Jesus, if you are the inhaling breath, the author of life, let me be your exhale and a chapter in your unfolding narrative. I want to talk to you with such unconscious ease, as if our constant dialogue were synonymous to my heart's beat. The aroma of Christ and the fragrance of life I could not fathom such an honor bestowed upon me. Lord, your river of relevant metaphors leaves me soaked with stupefaction. I am drowned in your love and dried with your grace just about Every. single. time.